Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts

Funny Woman

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Definition Of Different Places

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.


Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.


Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.


Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.


Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.


Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"


Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.


Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.


Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.


Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.


Father: A banker provided by nature.


Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.


Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.


Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.


Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.


Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.


Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.


Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.


Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.


Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.


Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.


Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.


Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death.


Play Football With Nose

Snake Charmer


Nothing Is Impossible





Nothing is impossible in life if we have a strong determination to success in life.

Classic Cake Picture





Largest Freshwater Fish - Catfish

Northern fishers of Thailand caught this huge catfish in the Mekong River on May 1,2009.
It is nine feet long (2.7 meters) and as big as a grizzly bear, the behemoth tipped the scales at 646 pounds (293 kilograms).
The species known as the Mekong giant catfish, may be the largest freshwater fish ever recorded.

World's Biggest Bull - Chilli

Chilli is a black and white Fresian bull. It is weighted 1.25 tons and is standing at 6 feet and 6 inches in height. Chilli grew up to become the biggest bovine in the world, according to Guinness World Record.
According to Naomi Clarke, manager of the Ferne animal Sanctuary in Ferne, Somerset, the bull doesn’t eat as much as the other cows and yet he outgrows them by far. He’s also abnormally friendly and gentle.
Now he’s 9 years old. He was lucky because yet he would not have ended up chopped into pieces and on the shelves of a meat market somewhere.

Naughty People Funniest Picture







Job Interview - Honest Question - Answers

If we were too honest to reply all the Questions they would go something like this


1. Why did you apply for this job?

I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.


2. Why do you want to work for this company?

I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.


3. Why should I hire you?

You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.


4. What would you do if we hire you?

Well, it depends on my mindset but I will try to work on whatever is allotted to me.


5. What is your biggest strength?

Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company.


6. What is your biggest weakness?

Girls


7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?

Joining my earlier company and learn that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today!


8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?

Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.


9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?

Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.


10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?

For the same reason why you left your earlier job... More money


11. What do you want from this job?

If no work is given but keep giving good hikes


12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?

Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs


13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?

Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website


14. What is the salary expected and how do u justify that?

Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard (I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30%).

Difference between you and your Boss !

When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.


When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.


When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.


When you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm.


When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.


When you have one too many drinks at a social, you’re a drunken bum.
When your boss does the same, he appreciated women.


When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.


When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it ’s because he’s overworked.

Funny Sleeping Style








Celebrating Wedding Anniversary

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.


The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh!

Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.



The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...

Whoosh...

immediatel y he turned ninety!!!

Sensitive Question

What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A rumor

University Of Oklahoma

One day my housework challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "

And they say woman are dumb...


Balancing Rock





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