JOKES

THE NET


YOU KNOW YOU ARE AN INTERNET JUNKIE WHEN……..

# When asked to write your address, your answer begins with http://

# Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.

# You chat with your fingers , not your mouth.

# You use Netscape 4.72, & you check every week whether version 4.73 was released.

# You know the difference between java & javascript.

# Most of your friends have an @ in their names.

# In order to watch CNN you move to www.cnn.com.

# On your business card the e-mail appears before the phone no.

# You find yourself typing ‘com’ after every period when using a word processor.com

# You check your mail. It says “no new messages.” So you check it again.

# You can perfectly imitate the sound patterd of your modem connecting to your ISP.

# You can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than J.

# You are told about a new programme, & you are disappointed to find that it is a TV programme.

# Not only do you check youe e-mail more often than your paper mail, but you remember your network address faster than your postal one.



TOP 10 SIGNS THAT YOU’VE OVERDOSED ON THE WORLD WIDE

WEB

# Your opening line is : “So, what’s your homepage address?”

# You see a beautiful sunset, & you half-expect to see “Enhanced for Netscape 4.0” on one of the clouds.

# You are overcome with disbelief, anger, & finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a webpage with no links.

# You left driven to consult the “Cool Page of the Day” on your wedding day.

# Your bookmark takes 15 mins. to scroll from top to bottom.

# You are driving on a dark & rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that separates you the precipice of a rocky cliff & certain death, & you desperately look for the “Back” button.

# You visit “The really big button that doesn’t do anything” again & again & again.

# Your dog has his own webpage.

# So does your hamster.

# When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.

YOU MIGHT BE an ISP if…….

# You know 56k means ‘reliable 33.6’ & 33.6 means ‘reliable 28.8’ & so forth.

# You know the win98 setup wizard by heart & can walk a user through it without even interrupting your Quake/ MUD /IRC session to do so.

# You know where the email settings are in internet Mail, Outlook Express, Pegasus, Eudora, Netscape Mail, Messenger Mailbox, & you don’t use any of those programs for personal use.

# You maintain more than four websites & do not have time for a personal web page.

# You know what TCP/ IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, & DUN. You like acronyms.

# You know more IP addresses than phone no. Sometimes you just find it easier to type the dotted quad.

# You know more phone no. to modem banks than you know phone no. to people.

# You can name two web browsers other than Netscape or Microsoft’s.

# You loathe the dancing baby & other large file attachments sent through email to unsuspecting users who can’t pick them up off the server & then have to call & whine that their email doesn’t work anymore.

# You despise Microsoft FrontPage as a web-editing tool & as extensions to your web server.

# You can answer the question ‘is the internet broken’ without laughing.