You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income.


You have two cows. You worship them.


You don't have any cows. You claim that that Indian cows belong to you. You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, British for warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, French for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment. You buy the cows with all this and claim exploitation by the world.


You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk! of four cows. You profess surprise when the cow drops dead. You put the blame on some nation with cows and naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind. You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.


You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.


You have two cows. You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.


You have two cows. They are both mad cows.


You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch. SWISS ECONOMICS You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.


You have two cows. You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.


You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 17 cows. You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.


You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them, You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.


You have two cows. You don't know economics. You choose one of them as the Prime Minister of the country and the other as the Leader of the Opposition

Please find below the essay written in high angrezi bya Bihari. You'll forget your English by the time youfinish reading this. This is a true essay written by acandidate at the UPSC (IAS) Examinations in India. Thecandidate has written an essay on the Indian Cow.

Indian Cow

HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Alsohe is four footed, and because he is female, he givesmilk, (but will do so when he is got child). He issame like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. Buthe has got four legs together. Two are forwards andtwo are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised foruse.

More so the milk. Milk comes from the four taps attached to his basement (horses don't have any suchattachments) What can it do? Various ghee, butter,cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.Also he is useful to the cobbler, waterman's andmankind generally.His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species,also his other motion...gober, is much useful totrees, plants as well as for making flat cakes (likepizza), in hand, and drying in the sun.

Cow is theonly animal that extricates his feeding after eating.Then afterwards she chews with his teeth whom aresituated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantlyin the meadows in the grass. His only attacking anddefending organ is the horns, specially so when he isgot child.

This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the groundof the earth and instantly proceed with great velocityforwards.He has got tail also situated in the backyard, but notlike similar animals. It has hairs on the other end ofthe other side. This is done to frighten away theflies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon hegives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft untothe touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. Atnighttime he poses by looking down on the ground andhe shouts. His eyes and nose are like his otherrelatives.This is the cow.......


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