ECONOMIC POLICY

ECONOMIC POLICY

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You worship them.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICS

You don't have any cows. You claim that that Indian cows belong to you. You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, British for warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, French for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment. You buy the cows with all this and claim exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk! of four cows. You profess surprise when the cow drops dead. You put the blame on some nation with cows and naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind. You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS

You have two cows. They are both mad cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch. SWISS ECONOMICS You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONMICS

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 17 cows. You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them, You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

BANGLADESH ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You don't know economics. You choose one of them as the Prime Minister of the country and the other as the Leader of the Opposition



Please find below the essay written in high angrezi bya Bihari. You'll forget your English by the time youfinish reading this. This is a true essay written by acandidate at the UPSC (IAS) Examinations in India. Thecandidate has written an essay on the Indian Cow.

Indian Cow

HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Alsohe is four footed, and because he is female, he givesmilk, (but will do so when he is got child). He issame like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. Buthe has got four legs together. Two are forwards andtwo are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised foruse.

More so the milk. Milk comes from the four taps attached to his basement (horses don't have any suchattachments) What can it do? Various ghee, butter,cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.Also he is useful to the cobbler, waterman's andmankind generally.His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species,also his other motion...gober, is much useful totrees, plants as well as for making flat cakes (likepizza), in hand, and drying in the sun.

Cow is theonly animal that extricates his feeding after eating.Then afterwards she chews with his teeth whom aresituated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantlyin the meadows in the grass. His only attacking anddefending organ is the horns, specially so when he isgot child.

This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the groundof the earth and instantly proceed with great velocityforwards.He has got tail also situated in the backyard, but notlike similar animals. It has hairs on the other end ofthe other side. This is done to frighten away theflies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon hegives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft untothe touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. Atnighttime he poses by looking down on the ground andhe shouts. His eyes and nose are like his otherrelatives.This is the cow.......

FUNNY STORY

FUNNY STORY

AMAZING TALE…………..

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend.

He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, “If I could only see the world, I will marry you.”

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend. He asked her, “Now you can see the world, will you marry me?”

The girl looked at her boyfriend & saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn’t expected that.

The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left her in tears & days later wrote a note to her saying:

‘TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR EYES, MY DEAR, FOR BEFORE THEY WERE YOURS, THEY WERE MINE.’

TAKE A BREAK

MATHEMATICS

Romance

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


Office Arithmetic

Smart boss + Smart employee = Profit
Smart boss + Dumb employee = Production
Dumb boss + Smart employee = Promotion
Dumb boss + Dumb employee = Overtime


Shopping

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A man will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t need.


General Equations & Statistics

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

INFORMATION

INFORMATION

DID YOU KNOW?...........


Some singers sing with tremendous power without sacrificing tone quality, while other singers become harsh & impure when they go for power?...

Well once again it comes down to the vocal exercises you practice. But let’s have a look at why the exercises you practice are so important.

What does it mean to sing a loud powerful note as opposed to a note of medium volume? Well, it’s basically an increase in intensity.

You send a little more air pressure to your vocal chords while still holding the same posture as you would when you are singing at medium intensity.

Your vocal chords hold this air back for longer, which produces a sound wave of higher intensity, which means a note at higher volume.

Now to train your voice to produce tremendous volume & power, you don’t need to strengthen your diaphragm.

Many singers make this mistake. They believe that they need to send large amounts of air to get good volume.

The vocal chords simple buckle under the pressure, vocal tension begins & things get ugly.

Instead you need to train & strengthen the tiny muscle that coordinate your vocal chords. When you do this, your chords will be able to hold down more air, for longer.

THE THREE BILLY-GOATS GRUFF

THE THREE BILLY-GOATS GRUFF

Once upon a time there were three billy-goats called Gruff.

One fine day, the three billy-goats Gruff set off up the hillside. They were going to look for some sweet grass to eat so that they could grow fat.

On the way up the hillside, the three billy-goats Gruff came to a river. On the other side of the river was a beautiful meadow. In the meadow was the finest grass they had ever seen.

There was a wooden bridge over the river. Under the bridge there lived an ugly troll. People were afraid to cross the bridge because of the troll. Every time he heard footsteps on the bridge, he popped out and gobbled up the person who was trying to cross.

The three billy-goats Gruff were very frightened at the thought of the troll. Yet they longed to eat the sweet grass in the meadow, on the other side of the river.

After a while, the youngest billy-goat Gruff said that he would be the first to try to cross the bridge.

Trip, trap, trip, trap, went the hooves of the youngest billy-goat Gruff on the wooden bridge.

Out popped the troll’s ugly head. He was so ugly that the youngest billy-goat Gruff nearly fell down with fright. “Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?” roared the troll.

The youngest billy-goat Gruff spoke in a tiny voice. “It’s only me, the littlest billy-goat Gruff, ” he said. “I’m going to the meadow to make myself fat.” “Then I’m coming to gobble you up,” roared the troll.

“Oh! No! Please don’t gobble me up,” said the youngest billy-goat Gruff, in a tiny voice. “I’m far too little and not at all fat. Wait until the second billy-goat Gruff comes along. He’s much fatter than I am. ”

“Very well,” said the troll. “Be off with you! I’ll wait until the second billy-goat Gruff comes along.” So the youngest billy-goat Gruff crossed the bridge and skipped off into the meadow to eat the sweet grass.

Then the second billy-goat Gruff said that he would try to cross the bridge. Trip, trap, trip, trap, went the hooves of the second billy-goat Gruff on the wooden bridge.

Out popped the troll’s ugly head. He was so ugly that the youngest billy-goat Gruff nearly fell down with fright. “Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?” roared the troll.

The second billy-goat Gruff spoke in a rather soft voice. “It’s only me, the second billy-goat Gruff,” he said. “I’m going to the meadow to make myself fat.” “Then I’m coming to gobble you up,” roared the troll.

“Oh! No! Please don’t gobble me up,” said the second billy-goat Gruff, in his rather soft voice. “I’m not very big and not very fat. Wait until the third billy-goat Gruff comes along. He’s very big and very fat. ”

“Very well,” said the troll. “Be off with you! I’ll wait until the third billy-goat Gruff comes along.” So the second billy-goat Gruff crossed the bridge and skipped off into the meadow to eat the sweet grass.

Then at last, up came the eldest billy-goat Gruff, to try to cross the bridge. He was a very big billy-goat. His beard was long and his horns were almost fully grown.

TRIP, TRAP, TRIP, TRAP, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, went the hooves of the eldest billy-goat Gruff on the wooden bridge.

Out popped the troll’s ugly head. He was so ugly that the youngest billy-goat Gruff nearly fell down with fright. But he did not show it. He only stamped his hooves harder - TRIP, TRAP, TRIP, TRAP, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

“Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?” roared the troll. The eldest billy-goat Gruff’s voice was even louder and gruffer than the troll’s voice. “It’s me, the biggest billy-goat Gruff,” he bellowed.

“Then I’m coming to gobble you up,” roared the troll.
“Oh no you are not!,” bellowed the eldest billy-goat Gruff. “I’m coming to gobble you up! ” And he stamped his feet even louder; TRIP, TRAP, TRIP, TRAP, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

After that, the eldest billy-goat Gruff butted the troll with his big horns. The troll fell off the bridge and into the river.

The ugly troll fell head first into the deep water. There was a mighty splash and he did not come up again.

So that was the end of the ugly troll.

From this time on, people went over the bridge without fear. Never again did the troll pop his head out from under the bridge to roar,“Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?”

Then the three billy-goats Gruff lived happily in the meadow on the hillside. They ate the sweet grass and they really did get fat.

SNOW WHITE AND THE 7 DWARFS

SNOW WHITE AND THE 7 DWARFS

Snow White lives with a beautiful Queen. The Queen has a magic mirror. The Queen likes to look in her magic mirror. She says, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of us all?”

The mirror says, “You are the fairest,” and the Queen is pleased.

One day the Queen looks into her magic mirror and says, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who is the fairest of us all?”

The mirror says, ”Snow White is the fairest.”

The Queen is angry. She says to a man, ”Go with Snow White and kill her."

Snow White and the man go off into the forest. Snow White says, “Please do not kill me I will make my home here in the forest. You can say that you killed me. I will not go home to the Queen”

“Of you go then,” says the man. Snow White goes off into the forest. She sees a little white house. She stops to look at it.

Snow White looks into the little house. No one is at home. She goes in. All the things in the house are little. Snow White gets into one of the little beds.

Some dwarfs live in the little house. They come home and see Snow White in bed. “Who I s this girl?” they say.

Snow White gets up. She sees the dwarfs. “Please help me” she says. “The Queen wants to kill me.” “You can live here with us,” say the dwarfs. Snow White thanks the dwarfs.

The dwarfs go off into the forest to work, and Snow White works in the house all day.

One day the Queen looks into her magic mirror and says, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who is the fairest of us all?”

The mirror says, “Snow White is the fairest.” “What?” says the Queen. “Snow White is not here. She is dead.” “No,” says the mirror. “Snow White is not dead. She lives with some dwarfs in a little white house in the forest.”

The Queen is angry. “I have to kill Snow White,” she says. She gets some apples. One of the apples is big and red. The Queen puts poison on the big red apple.

The Queen puts on her black cloak. She goes to look for Snow White. She comes to the little white house and says, “Can I come in?”

Snow White looks to see who is there. The Queen says, “Here is a big red apple for you.” She gives Snow White the apple with poison on it.

Snow White likes apples. She thanks the Queen and has one bite of the apple. Then she falls down as if she is dead. The Queen is pleased.

The Queen goes home and looks in her magic mirror. She says, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who is the fairest of us all?” “You are the fairest,” says the mirror.

The dwarf come home and think that Snow White is dead. “What can we do?” they say.
A Prince comes to the house. He sees Snow White and stops to look at her. “What a beautiful girl” he says. He picks Snow White up, and the piece of poisoned apple falls from her mouth. Snow White looks at the Prince.

The Prince says to Snow White, “Please marry me.” “Yes” says Snow White. She thanks the dwarfs, and then she goes away with the Prince.

The Queen says to her magic mirror, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who is the fairest of us all?” “Snow White is the fairest, and she is going to marry the Prince,” says the mirror. The Queen is so angry that she falls down dead.

Snow White and the Prince get married. Everyone is very happy.

MOTTO : BE HAPPY WHAT YOU HAVE