Fun Archive

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Jokes of The Day

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.

They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.

The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"

The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."

Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"

The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."

The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"

The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."

This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is more important than the President?!"

The policeman calmly wispered: "I'll put it to you this way chief. I don't know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur."

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."

"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."

"Well, then we need a urine sample."

"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."

"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."

"I can't do that, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm too drunk to do that."

Obama Registered As A Brand Ambassador For Fair And Lovely

What is Felicity?

THE words were still loud, banging against her eardrums but they now seemed a little distant mixed with various other thoughts creating a cacophony which Lisa herself couldn't comprehend. It seemed as if the earth has toppled down on her and the weight of it was going to make her head explode. She had never imagined that a pain so excruciating existed.

Her soul seemed ablaze and her body felt the warmth too, not a comforting one at all. The early April sun was bright and warm outside casting its amiable golden rays of which a few streaks managed to peep inside the room. On other similar days Lisa would have enjoyed the hide and seek game of light but on this very day she was not even aware of its presence. The soft breeze emerging through the half opened window caressed her face which had been drained out of its color but that also made Lisa ache as she lay curled on her bed like an abandoned centipede. She felt herself drowning into a chasm of abysmal depth. 'I can only be your friend and nothing else', the voice had said. The voice she so much loves and adores….the voice that probably won't be saying sweet nothings into her ears anymore. Her senses felt numb by the anguish of it all and she wondered how powerless she was that the decision that would completely transform her life from being everything to empty nothing did not depend on her, it was in someone else's hands. It was in the hands of her better half. She almost laughed at the irony though no sound came out of her mouth…the same hands that had held hers and promised to do so forever was now digging a grave to bury her love....their love with those same hands of his. Suddenly all those years of love seemed like a shattered piece of wild fantasy. And Lisa herself felt like a mirage in the dry desert….real at one point, solitary and imaginary at another. She doubted her own existence, feeling completely vulnerable and desolate. Was her mind playing tricks on her? Was this all a chimera of her own thoughts? She didn't know…she did not know anything.

But hadn't she said sorry for her repeated mistakes? Hadn't she begged for his forgiveness and put forth innumerable apologies? She really was sorry…she never wanted to hurt him. She wished he knew that her love for him was unadulterated. She wished she could tell him how much it hurts to be without him and how much she misses him. Lisa knew that Rubio is adamant in his decisions and her attempts to win his heart and trust back were mere futile ones. Her life now depended on the clemency of the Almighty who has set Rubio as the arbiter to announce the verdict and which he already did with amazing finesse. Still somewhere deep down a tinge of hope remained which cajoled her to believe that the Almighty will answer her silent prayers. She now let the tears flow along with her breathe which came as deep, heavy gasps and felt hot against her pale flushed cheeks.

Even in the midst of this debacle she decided not to capitulate to the hands of fate because she knows that he loves her and therefore their fairytale is bound to have a 'happy ending'.

History Tells The Truth

RisingStars

We don't know how true any of this is, but it made interesting reading.

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes when you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight & sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based; this period was called the honey month or what was known today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's."

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

3000 Snakes In Home!

A woman in Bangladesh was surprised when she found two cobras on her property. The woman then called a snake charmer, Dudu Miah, to capture the snakes.

He discovered 3000 snakes and hundreds of eggs in the house. Local newspapers reported that altogether the snake charmer found 3500 snakes at two houses in Narayanganj, which is located near Dhaka.

Many neighbours left their homes in fear of the cobras. The snakes were found after digging underneath the floor of the house.

Miah will try to see if their are more snakes in the neigbourhood, but is unsure what he will do with them all.

Man Dresses Girlfriend inSteling Money

A Chilean man tried to steal $80,000 from his randmother by disguising his 21-year-old girlfriend as the woman and having her withdraw money from the bank.

The man falsified his 82-year-old grandmother's identity card and his girlfriend wore a latex mask.

They might have gotten away with it if it weren't for a bank worker who called the grandmother's home and learned she was visiting relatives in Venezuela.

"She acted like an elderly woman, was dressed as elderly woman and moved like one. It was a good impersonation," Victor Mellado, head of client service at the Banco de Chile in the port city of Talcahuano in southern Chile told local television.

Solution for Mud Fearing Pig?

A piglet in Northern England who developed a phobia of mud has overcome its fear with the aid of some Wellington boots.

Cinders, a young saddleback pig, appeared to have a condition called mysophobia - a fear of dirt - having refused to wallow in the mud with her siblings.

Her owners had the idea of fitting her with the bespoke miniature footwear to help conquer her fear.Debbie and Andrew Keeble run a sausage company in Thirsk, North Yorkshire.

However, they have said that Cinders will be spared the butcher's knife and instead act as a mascot to the Farm Crisis Network which supports struggling farmers.

Joke of the Day

Little Teddy’s doing very poorly in math, so his parents enroll him in Catholic school.

The first day home from St. Michael’s, he walks straight to his room to do his math homework.

After dinner Teddy marches back upstairs and starts calculating again.

His mother visits his room and says, “You’re working awfully hard!”

“Well,” Teddy replies, “today when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.”

An emperor needs a samurai and asks a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish sword master to each demonstrate his skills.

The Japanese samurai releases a fly from a matchbox. Whoosh goes his sword, and the fly drops to the ground in two pieces.

The Chinese samurai opens his matchbox, and out pops a fly. Whoosh, whoosh goes his sword, and the fly drops to the ground in four pieces.

The Jewish samurai releases a fly. Whoosh, whoosh goes his sword, but the fly continues to buzz around.

The emperor, perplexed, says, “You didn’t kill the fly.”

The Jewish samurai replies, “Right. But he will never mate.”

LOVE SMS

# As I feel the tear go down my cheek,I notice that my heart is weak,For the love I have for you,Will always be gold and true,I have made some mistakes, they rest in the past,But know my love will always last,Even though we are a distance apart,You always have the key to my heart.

# A person who truly loves you and knows you is someone who still sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else still believe the smile on your face.

# Where words fail, action speaks. Where action fails, eyes speak. Where eyes fail, tears speak. And where everything fails, LOVE SPEAKS!

# To love is a duty and right. To be loved is a gift and luck. To love someone who loves u is an achievement. To be loved by someone whom u love is LIFE!

# U r the reason I wake up in the morning, u r the reason I find a way to smile, u r the person who can change everything around when it's going bad. Luv U

# Love ur life coz life is a long journey to go. Life is a game yet to be played more. Life is a question yet to be answered more. Life is a challenge yet to be faced more. So live ur life as long as u can. Every moment is lovable in life.

# Luv is what I see in ur smile. Luv is what I feel in every touch u give. Luv is what I hear in every word u say. Luv is what we share everyday. Luv U!

# Never ask for a kiss, just take it.Never ask for a hug, just give it.Never ask do u Luv me? Say I Luv u.Never say I can't live without u, say I live for U

# Happiness is not something u postpone for the future. It's something u design for the present. Make each moment a happy one. I hv by remembering U!

# Luv doesn't ask who r u? Luv only says u r mine. Luv doesn't ask where r u from? Luv only says U live in my heart. Luv doesn't ask what do u do? Luv only says U make my heart beat. Luv doesn't ask why r u far away? Luv only says u r always with me. Luv doesn't ask Do u love me? Luv only says I LUV U.

# To hear what is unspoken, to see what is invisible, to feel without without even touching... is the miracle called Love.

# People fall in luv not knowing why or how. It's so special a feeling that it doesn't require much answers. U just luv no matter how stupid u become.

# I knew I loved you when I realized that there was no one else I would rather laugh, cry and make memories with. Luv U!

# Loving, knowing that you are going to get hurt is like living knowing that you are going to die. But not loving so you don't get hurt is like killing yourself before you die.

# Giving someone all ur luv is never an assurance that they'll luv u back! Don't expect luv in return; just wait for it to grow in their hearts. But if it doesn't, be content it grew in urs.

# I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

# Love is falling asleep dreaming of the one that makes you smile and waking up smiling about the one u dream of.

# When I'm away from u, I'm still with u. When my eyes are closed, I could still c u. When I'm awake, I still dream of u. When I feel I have everything, I still need u & no matter what, I'll always luv u.

# Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed; to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed; to those who still need love even though they've been hurt before.

# I don't know why I'm so afraid to lose u when u r not even mine. I don't know why I luv u so when u don't even luv me. I don't know why u r the one when I'm just a someone to u.

# IF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE R MISSING U .I M ONE OF THEM .IF ONE PEOPLE IS MISSING U THATS ME .IF NO ONE IS MISSING U .BE SURE I M DEAD,

ECONOMIC POLICY

THE THREE BILLY-GOATS GRUFF

Once upon a time there were three billy-goats called Gruff.

One fine day, the three billy-goats Gruff set off up the hillside. They were going to look for some sweet grass to eat so that they could grow fat.

On the way up the hillside, the three billy-goats Gruff came to a river. On the other side of the river was a beautiful meadow. In the meadow was the finest grass they had ever seen.

There was a wooden bridge over the river. Under the bridge there lived an ugly troll. People were afraid to cross the bridge because of the troll. Every time he heard footsteps on the bridge, he popped out and gobbled up the person who was trying to cross.

The three billy-goats Gruff were very frightened at the thought of the troll. Yet they longed to eat the sweet grass in the meadow, on the other side of the river.

After a while, the youngest billy-goat Gruff said that he would be the first to try to cross the bridge.

Trip, trap, trip, trap, went the hooves of the youngest billy-goat Gruff on the wooden bridge.

Out popped the troll’s ugly head. He was so ugly that the youngest billy-goat Gruff nearly fell down with fright. “Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?” roared the troll.

The youngest billy-goat Gruff spoke in a tiny voice. “It’s only me, the littlest billy-goat Gruff, ” he said. “I’m going to the meadow to make myself fat.” “Then I’m coming to gobble you up,” roared the troll.

“Oh! No! Please don’t gobble me up,” said the youngest billy-goat Gruff, in a tiny voice. “I’m far too little and not at all fat. Wait until the second billy-goat Gruff comes along. He’s much fatter than I am. ”

“Very well,” said the troll. “Be off with you! I’ll wait until the second billy-goat Gruff comes along.” So the youngest billy-goat Gruff crossed the bridge and skipped off into the meadow to eat the sweet grass.

Then the second billy-goat Gruff said that he would try to cross the bridge. Trip, trap, trip, trap, went the hooves of the second billy-goat Gruff on the wooden bridge.

Out popped the troll’s ugly head. He was so ugly that the youngest billy-goat Gruff nearly fell down with fright. “Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?” roared the troll.

The second billy-goat Gruff spoke in a rather soft voice. “It’s only me, the second billy-goat Gruff,” he said. “I’m going to the meadow to make myself fat.” “Then I’m coming to gobble you up,” roared the troll.

“Oh! No! Please don’t gobble me up,” said the second billy-goat Gruff, in his rather soft voice. “I’m not very big and not very fat. Wait until the third billy-goat Gruff comes along. He’s very big and very fat. ”

“Very well,” said the troll. “Be off with you! I’ll wait until the third billy-goat Gruff comes along.” So the second billy-goat Gruff crossed the bridge and skipped off into the meadow to eat the sweet grass.

Then at last, up came the eldest billy-goat Gruff, to try to cross the bridge. He was a very big billy-goat. His beard was long and his horns were almost fully grown.

TRIP, TRAP, TRIP, TRAP, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, went the hooves of the eldest billy-goat Gruff on the wooden bridge.

Out popped the troll’s ugly head. He was so ugly that the youngest billy-goat Gruff nearly fell down with fright. But he did not show it. He only stamped his hooves harder - TRIP, TRAP, TRIP, TRAP, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

“Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?” roared the troll. The eldest billy-goat Gruff’s voice was even louder and gruffer than the troll’s voice. “It’s me, the biggest billy-goat Gruff,” he bellowed.

“Then I’m coming to gobble you up,” roared the troll.
“Oh no you are not!,” bellowed the eldest billy-goat Gruff. “I’m coming to gobble you up! ” And he stamped his feet even louder; TRIP, TRAP, TRIP, TRAP, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

After that, the eldest billy-goat Gruff butted the troll with his big horns. The troll fell off the bridge and into the river.

The ugly troll fell head first into the deep water. There was a mighty splash and he did not come up again.

So that was the end of the ugly troll.

From this time on, people went over the bridge without fear. Never again did the troll pop his head out from under the bridge to roar,“Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?”

Then the three billy-goats Gruff lived happily in the meadow on the hillside. They ate the sweet grass and they really did get fat.

SNOW WHITE AND THE 7 DWARFS

Snow White lives with a beautiful Queen. The Queen has a magic mirror. The Queen likes to look in her magic mirror. She says, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of us all?”

The mirror says, “You are the fairest,” and the Queen is pleased.

One day the Queen looks into her magic mirror and says, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who is the fairest of us all?”

The mirror says, ”Snow White is the fairest.”

The Queen is angry. She says to a man, ”Go with Snow White and kill her."

Snow White and the man go off into the forest. Snow White says, “Please do not kill me I will make my home here in the forest. You can say that you killed me. I will not go home to the Queen”

“Of you go then,” says the man. Snow White goes off into the forest. She sees a little white house. She stops to look at it.

Snow White looks into the little house. No one is at home. She goes in. All the things in the house are little. Snow White gets into one of the little beds.

Some dwarfs live in the little house. They come home and see Snow White in bed. “Who I s this girl?” they say.

Snow White gets up. She sees the dwarfs. “Please help me” she says. “The Queen wants to kill me.” “You can live here with us,” say the dwarfs. Snow White thanks the dwarfs.

The dwarfs go off into the forest to work, and Snow White works in the house all day.

One day the Queen looks into her magic mirror and says, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who is the fairest of us all?”

The mirror says, “Snow White is the fairest.” “What?” says the Queen. “Snow White is not here. She is dead.” “No,” says the mirror. “Snow White is not dead. She lives with some dwarfs in a little white house in the forest.”

The Queen is angry. “I have to kill Snow White,” she says. She gets some apples. One of the apples is big and red. The Queen puts poison on the big red apple.

The Queen puts on her black cloak. She goes to look for Snow White. She comes to the little white house and says, “Can I come in?”

Snow White looks to see who is there. The Queen says, “Here is a big red apple for you.” She gives Snow White the apple with poison on it.

Snow White likes apples. She thanks the Queen and has one bite of the apple. Then she falls down as if she is dead. The Queen is pleased.

The Queen goes home and looks in her magic mirror. She says, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who is the fairest of us all?” “You are the fairest,” says the mirror.

The dwarf come home and think that Snow White is dead. “What can we do?” they say.
A Prince comes to the house. He sees Snow White and stops to look at her. “What a beautiful girl” he says. He picks Snow White up, and the piece of poisoned apple falls from her mouth. Snow White looks at the Prince.

The Prince says to Snow White, “Please marry me.” “Yes” says Snow White. She thanks the dwarfs, and then she goes away with the Prince.

The Queen says to her magic mirror, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who is the fairest of us all?” “Snow White is the fairest, and she is going to marry the Prince,” says the mirror. The Queen is so angry that she falls down dead.

Snow White and the Prince get married. Everyone is very happy.

MOTTO : BE HAPPY WHAT YOU HAVE

Special Eid Message

# Wishing U a Beautiful Eid, Wishing u Joy, Wishing u Laughter, Starting from Eid day & lasting long after! EID MUBARAK

# To wish u a good Fortune, good Health & Success & all U may need for complete Happiness, A wonderful “Eid” delightful all through a future so rich in life’s joys for u. “EID MUBARAK!”

# When the Sun has Set, and Day is Done-I'll break this Chain, but only one.By the end of Ramadan, this whole chain will be all gone!It's time for EID and lots of fun!!!

# All the *s of the Sky, all the *s of the Sea, all the colors of the Flower, wanna give U but its not possible, I can wish u with n sms “EID MUBARAK”

# May this...Eid bring Fun, Eid bring Happiness,Eid bring God Endless Blessings,Eid bring Fresh Love...“EID MUBARAK” to You with all best wishes

# May Allah bring you Joy, Happiness, Peace and Prosperity on this blessed occasion. Wishing you and your family on this happy occasion of Eid! “EID MUBARAK”!

# May the blessings of Allah fill your life with Happiness and open all the doors of Success now and always. EID MUBARAK

# Hope Love and Laugher, warmth Wishes, Joy and a bouquet of Eid wishes, Jubilations, become a part of your Eid and Your Life. Have a Happy EID MUBARAK.

# May God send his Love like Sunshine in his warm and gentle ways to fill every corner of your Heart and filled your Life with a lot of Happiness like this EID DAY. Wishing you EID MUBARAK.

# May the magic of this EID bring lots of happiness in ur life & may U celebrate it with all ur close friendzzz & may it fill ur HEART with wonders.

# 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 after 24 hours everyone will wish u but I M THE FIRST 2 WISH U EID MUBRAK

# May the Angels protect U...may the Sadness forget u,...may Goodness surround u and may Allah always bless U…”EID MUBARAK”

# A friend is sweet when its new but it is sweeter when its true, but u know what, its sweetest when its U…”EID MUBARAK” from the core n kernel of my heart.

# I wish a wish 4 u, its a wish I wish 4 few, the wish I wish 4 u is that all ur wishes come true..........wish U HAPPY EID DAY

# The Moon has been sighted
The Samoosas are ready
Here comes EID so just go steady
Lots of Dua's is all I requestand
and just wanted to wish U all the BEST!!!
"EID MUBARAK"

# No shadows to depress U, Only joys to surround U, God himself to bless U, these r my wishes for U, Today, Tomorrow, & Every Day. Eid Mubarak.

# May Allah brings this Eid blessing 2 all Muslim ummah.. n may Allah shower His rehmat n barakat upon the entire Ummah.. n lets make this promise on this Eid day We’ll live our live according 2 the Quran n Sunnah of our Nabi (s.a.w).. May Allah except our hidayat n taufeeq 2 do more good deeds.. n save us 4rm fitna.. Eid Mubarak.# Look Outside... It's so pleasant! Sun Smiling For you... Trees Dancing for you... Birds singing for you... Because I requested them All to wish You **..*EID MUBARAK*..**

# Before the Golden Sun Rise, Let me decorate each of the Rays with Wishes of Success, Prospourus and Happiness 4 u and 4 ur Family. HappY EiD MubaraK..

# Do you know the Meaning of EID?I think it means "ENJOY in DUNIYA!!"So, In your life all moments bring EID for U....Wish You...EID MUBARAK.

# I wish you ALL a very happy and peaceful Eid. May Allah accept your good deeds, forgive your transgressions and ease the suffering of all peoples around the globe. Eid Mubarak# May this...Eid brings FunMay this...Eid brings Fun, Eid brings Happiness,Eid brings Endless Blessings,Eid brings fresh love...“EID MUBARAK” to You with all best wishes

# Wishing u happy Eid, soft as Silk, white as milk, sweet as Honey, full of Money and Bubli as u.

# May Allah this occasion flood your life with happiness, Ur heart with love, Ur soul with spirtual, Ur mind with wisdom, wishing U a very Happy Eid Mubarak# Missing U a lot on this Eid. Wishing U were here to celebrate this holy occasion with me. EiD MuBaRak

# As Allah waters His creation, may He also sprinkles His wonderous blessings over U & Ur beloved ones. *Eid Mubarak*

# Lonesome without U, each & every moment. When Im alone I close my eyes n think of U n thoughts of Ur love warms me inside n makes me smile. Miss U a lot. Eid MuBaRaK

# Eid Ul Adha is Eid of Sacrifice, & commitment to Allah’s Orders, May Allah bless us with the same in all circles of life, & help all amongst us, who r helpless, worried & waiting for His Rahmat. EiD MubaraK

# (Bangla Sms)
Eccha golo Akas cholo, Vaslo meger Sari,
Khusir jhora tepantore hridoy dilo Pari,
Moner maje sater baje khusita mon Saje,
EID er din hok Rongin ai kamonate….EiD MubaraK

# (Bangla Sms)
Eid mane Khusi, Eid mane Anondo
Eid assa volia dita sokol Bivad Dondo,
Eid mane vola jawa joto dukku voi
Eid er moto tomar jibonta houq Diptimoy….
EID MUBARAK…. Bondu

# No formalities…….No artificial wishes……No decorative words……just from the deepest core of my heart…..EID MUBARAK. God bless u.

# EID MUBARAK! May Eid brings happiness to ur life & give it a touch of perpetually so that u may feel everyday the EID DAY.

# May on this Eid the Plate of ur life is filled with juicy Kababs n Tikkas topped with Chatni of Happiness & covered with salad of love. “EID MUBARAK”

# The holy moon of Eid is curbe & vanishes away soon. But it is not the case of happiness & merriment it brings. Enjoy every pulse of the Holy Moment.

# E
I
D
Endless Joy
I
D
E
Infinite Pleasure
D
E
I
Delicious Food
Wish that…………..
Every single Day become Eid for U. EID MUBARAK

# A beautiful moment is waiting for U. Please look at the sky. You will see many star glittering. Please find a star which I gift for U. EID MUBARAK

# On a special day like this, I’m sending U warm wishes 4 a world of Happiness, Good Luck, Cheers & all the joy Life can bring. Wish U a Fantastic Eid. EID MUBARAK….

# Look at the Clock, Second is running, Minutes r walking, Hour is moving, because all of them r saying Eid is coming. Advance Eid Mubarak.

# Eid gives us pleasure, Brings us Joy, Keeps us Smile! Help us to realize! Induces us in Sacrifice! Teaches us to Love & Create us a great View.

Jokes of The Day

What is Felicity?

History Tells The Truth

3000 Snakes In Home!

Man Dresses Girlfriend inSteling Money

Solution for Mud Fearing Pig?

Joke of the Day

LOVE SMS

ECONOMIC POLICY

FUNNY STORY

FUNNY INFORMATION

INFORMATION

THE THREE BILLY-GOATS GRUFF

SNOW WHITE AND THE 7 DWARFS

Special Eid Message

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