What is Felicity?

THE words were still loud, banging against her eardrums but they now seemed a little distant mixed with various other thoughts creating a cacophony which Lisa herself couldn't comprehend. It seemed as if the earth has toppled down on her and the weight of it was going to make her head explode. She had never imagined that a pain so excruciating existed.

Her soul seemed ablaze and her body felt the warmth too, not a comforting one at all. The early April sun was bright and warm outside casting its amiable golden rays of which a few streaks managed to peep inside the room. On other similar days Lisa would have enjoyed the hide and seek game of light but on this very day she was not even aware of its presence. The soft breeze emerging through the half opened window caressed her face which had been drained out of its color but that also made Lisa ache as she lay curled on her bed like an abandoned centipede. She felt herself drowning into a chasm of abysmal depth. 'I can only be your friend and nothing else', the voice had said. The voice she so much loves and adores….the voice that probably won't be saying sweet nothings into her ears anymore. Her senses felt numb by the anguish of it all and she wondered how powerless she was that the decision that would completely transform her life from being everything to empty nothing did not depend on her, it was in someone else's hands. It was in the hands of her better half. She almost laughed at the irony though no sound came out of her mouth…the same hands that had held hers and promised to do so forever was now digging a grave to bury her love....their love with those same hands of his. Suddenly all those years of love seemed like a shattered piece of wild fantasy. And Lisa herself felt like a mirage in the dry desert….real at one point, solitary and imaginary at another. She doubted her own existence, feeling completely vulnerable and desolate. Was her mind playing tricks on her? Was this all a chimera of her own thoughts? She didn't know…she did not know anything.

But hadn't she said sorry for her repeated mistakes? Hadn't she begged for his forgiveness and put forth innumerable apologies? She really was sorry…she never wanted to hurt him. She wished he knew that her love for him was unadulterated. She wished she could tell him how much it hurts to be without him and how much she misses him. Lisa knew that Rubio is adamant in his decisions and her attempts to win his heart and trust back were mere futile ones. Her life now depended on the clemency of the Almighty who has set Rubio as the arbiter to announce the verdict and which he already did with amazing finesse. Still somewhere deep down a tinge of hope remained which cajoled her to believe that the Almighty will answer her silent prayers. She now let the tears flow along with her breathe which came as deep, heavy gasps and felt hot against her pale flushed cheeks.

Even in the midst of this debacle she decided not to capitulate to the hands of fate because she knows that he loves her and therefore their fairytale is bound to have a 'happy ending'.