Battle for Money

Battle for Money

THIS is not a battle of the sexes, or the battle of the wits. When Hu and Dr. Who get it on, it's a battle of who can keep at it the longest until turning blue in the face. This week's topic of discussion does money buy happiness?

It starts off with Dr. Who wanting a PS3. Hu, being as technologically retarded as they come, wonders why on earth Dr. Who would want a PS3 in the first place. 'God of War, Tekken, Medal of Honor, NFS,' Dr. Who replies, rolling his eyes. 'It's to play games on.'

'Sounds like a waste of time and money.'

'EVERYTHING is a waste of time and money. Might as well be happy wasting your time and money.'

'What about taking a deep breath and smelling the roses? It makes you feel good, and it doesn't cost the earth either.'

'But they do cost SOMETHING. Since you're spending money anyways, why not on a PS3?'

'Oh, ho, and what happens when you get tired of your PS3?'

'I'll just buy a brand new PS4. Hey, it's human nature. You want more and when you get that something more, you're happy for a while. Not all of us are out there to achieve Nirvana, kiddo. We don't have the time for that. We make do with what we have money.'

'That's what's wrong with this world. Why do we keep craving things all the time? You don't NEED things to be happy.'

'What, roses are non-existent, are they?'

'You don't have to own a rose to love it. A PS3 you have to own.'

'Yeah, yeah, whatever, roses are things, too. And a PS3 is a thing. Better things cost more money. I'm sure you'd be thrilled to have a nice orchid, but you fool yourself into thinking you're content just staring at it because otherwise it would dent your wallet.'

'Not true! Even if someone gave me a half-wilted orchid I'd still be delighted. It's the thought that counts.'

'Thoughts don't count. Suppose I wanted to buy you a Ferrari. So I bought you a toy one. The thought is still there, but is it the same? No. Both toy and real Ferrari would cost money. But the real one would make you happier. Hence money buys happiness, since I'd be pretty damn happy with a friggin' Ferrari.'

'Which brings me back to my original point what you want isn't really necessary.'

'That's beside the point. The fact that “if I could afford it and buy it, I'd be happy”, is the point. We didn't need homes when we were sheltered perfectly well in caves. We didn't need fire when raw meat seemed to taste pretty good. But no! We wanted easy food. We wanted comfort. So we had the homes and farmsteads and towns and so on and so forth. We didn't need them, but we still went out and got them, because we were the only species in the animal kingdom with a cool pair of hands. Face it, the basis of human civilization has been materialism. You can't go against it.'

'Is that so?' Hu demands, her grapes of wrath very heavy for the vintage. 'Ask yourself this: what is money? It's a mode of trade. It's a necessity of society. Money does not buy happiness. Tell me. What joy is there in a nice meal without someone interesting to share it with? What good is a PS3 without friends to play multiplayer with? Money buys friends? No! Money buys bees looking for honey that will sting you the moment you run out of it and don't care what happens to you as long as you're paying the bill at Westin.'

'Well,' Dr. Who scoffs, 'since spontaneous affection is so hard to come by these days, I think I'll settle for some general affection that'll make me happy. Not over the moon perhaps, but happy nonetheless At least, then I'll know what to expect as the outcome.'

'I can't believe you said that.' (Insert explosion of fury). 'That is such a stupid, hedonistic, apathetic thing to say…'

And the war wages on.

Man Without Money

Man Without Money

An economics graduate is about to begin a year-long mission to live without money.

Mark Boyle, 29, plans to put his potatoes where his mouth is and become the ultimate 'freeconomist' by ditching cash for 12 months.

He intends to live completely off the land and waste products he scrounges around his borrowed caravan at Timsbury, near Bath.

And he'll even use his very own composting toilet for good measure.

"I've been preparing a lot over the last couple of months, but the challenge will be the things I can't plan for - a broken arm, exhaustion or the worst case scenario, a family bereavement," he said.

"I suspect the most difficult thing will be socialising in a world that revolves around money. I'll be living on a day-to-day basis, hand to mouth, which means I'll never really know where my next meal comes from."

Mark plans to scour skips and other people's rubbish to find what he needs. He'll also make use of a scheme called Freecycle, a network of recycling enthusiasts; and Freeconomy which allows people to swap skills.

A friend, he says, will pay his National Insurance for the 12 months.

"Any skills you need you can get through Freeconomy and with other 'pay-it-forward' based organisations such as Liftshare and Couch-surfing now flourishing, the simple life doesn't have to be so difficult anymore," he said.

And with the credit crunch biting Mark, from Bristol, believes there's never been a better time to seek out the good life.

"It is the disconnection we have with what we consume that is the primary cause of the wasteful culture we live in today," he explained.

"If we all had to grow our own food again we wouldn't waste one third of it. We've absolutely no respect or real appreciation for the energy that goes into the things we consume and buy today, so we think nothing of throwing them away."

Mark will be hoping this 'freebie' experiment goes a bit better than his last cashless odyssey.
In February he set off to visit Gandhi's birthplace on India's west coast, aiming to get there without spending a penny.

But he only managed to get to Calais - about 300 miles - before cold and the language barrier forced him to hang up his boots. He then had to use money to pay for his trip back to Britain.
At the time he told Sky News: "Not only did no one speak the language, they also see us as just a bunch of freeloading backpackers, which is the complete opposite of what the pilgrimage is really about.

"The advice was to make a bee line for Belgium as folk said they would be more likely to want to speak some English.

"The only trouble was the first decent-sized town in Belgium was 170km away, and all we had was three tins of soup, a bag of trail mix and a chocolate bar to sustain us."

Mr Boyle begins his money-less mission tomorrow (Sat) - on the rather aptly named Buy Nothing Day.