Showing posts with label coma patient. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coma patient. Show all posts

Dentist VS Patient


Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?


Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.


Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 5 o'clock football match.





Patient: "Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?"


Dentist: "Wear a brown tie..."






Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."


Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

Doctor & Patient

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.


Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.


Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.


Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?


Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

Doctor & Patient

Patient to a doctor, I feel so sick I want to die!


Doctor: Don't worry, Just leave that job to me.


“Well, if you wish,” the dentist said, “I’ll it out slowly.”


Doctor: What seems to be your trouble?


Patient: When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour.


Doctor: Try getting up one hour later


Doctor (to the patient): Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?


Patient: Yes, sir. But I did not drink it.


Doctor: Why?


Patient : (Pointing to the bottle) : Because it is written on the label: Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.

Medical Terms

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians...


By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.


Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.


On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.


The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.


Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.


I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.


The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.


The patient refused an autopsy.


The patient has no past history of suicides.


The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.


Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.


The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.


She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.


The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.


The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.


The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.


She is numb from her toes down.


The skin was moist and dry.


Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.


Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.


Patient was alert and unresponsive.


When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room

Coma Patients Found With Maggots In Their Noses

Due to a housekeeping lapse at a Missouri hospital, two patients in a coma had maggots growing in their noses.

A storage area at Kansas City's Veteran's hospital was not properly cleaned after staff cuts in 1998..


At this time the hospital had to hire exterminators to get rid of a massive infestation of mice.


Dead mice all over the hospital brought flies, which somehow invaded the hospital's intensive care unit and laid eggs in the noses of the two comatose patients.

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