Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts

The Way Of Copywriting

An advertising team is working very late at night on a project due the next morning.


Suddenly, a Genie appears before them and offers to each of them one wish.


The copywriter says: "I've always dreamed of writing the great American novel and having my work studied in schools across the land. I'd like to go to a tropical island where I can concentrate and write my masterpiece."


The Genie says, "No problem!" and poof! The copywriter is gone.


The art director says: "I want to create a painting so beautiful that it would hang in the Louvre Museum in Paris for all the world to admire. I want to go to the French countryside to work on my painting."


The Genie says, "Your wish is granted!" and poof! The art director is gone.


The Genie then turns to the account executive and says, "And what is your wish?"


The account executive says, "I want those two assholes back here right now."

Weird Jokes

@ How many publishers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to change it and two to hold down the author.


@ How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?

"Do we have to get author's approval for this?"

Two, one to change the bulb and one to issue a rejection slip to the old bulb.


@ How many proofreaders does it take to change a light bulb?

Proofreaders aren't supposed to change light bulbs. They should just query them.


@ How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in almost all the way in and the other to give it a suprising twist at the end.


@ How many writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and one to tell a long story about it.


@ How many literary critics does it take to change a light bulb?

Literary critics don't know how, but rest assured they'll find something wrong with the way you do it.

Jokes About Taxpayer

"How have you managed to buy such a luxurious villa while your income is so low?" asked the IRS auditor.


"Well," the taxpayer answered, "while fishing last summer I have caught a large golden fish.


When I took it off the hook, the fish opened his mouth and said,
'I am a magical fish.


Throw me back to the sea and I'll give you the most luxurious villa you have ever seen'
.


I threw the fish back to the sea, and got the villa."


"How can you prove such an unbelievable story?"


"Well, you can see the villa, can't you?"







A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records.


At one point the auditor exclaimed, "We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA.


As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."

"Thank God," returned the taxpayer. "I thought you were going to want cash."

Brain Buzz

You want to send a valuable object to a friend.


You have a box
which is more than large enough to contain the object.


You have
several locks with keys.


The box has a locking ring which is more
than large enough to have a lock attached.


But your friend does
not have the key to any lock that you have. Note that you cannot send a key in an unlocked box, since it might be copied.


How is this done?







Answer: Attach a lock to the ring.

Send it to her.

She attaches her own lock and sends it back.

You remove your lock and send it back to her.

She removes her lock.

Weird Jokes

An Spanish bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."


But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.


"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.


The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"

Historical Day

  • 1600 - Giordano Bruno burned in Rome as a heretic
  • 1854 - British recognize independence of Orange Free State (South Africa)
  • 1870 - Mississippi readmitted to U.S. after Civil War
  • 1876 - Sardines were 1st canned - in Eastport - Maine
  • 1878 - 1st telephone exchange in SF opens with 18 phones
  • 1908 - Geronimo - Apache hero - dies (birth date unknown)


Famous Birthday

  • 1723 - Tobias Mayer, "method of lunars" for longitude determination
  • 1774 - Raphael Peale, American painter
  • 1781 - Ren‚-Th‚ophile-Hyacinthe Laennec, invented stethoscope
  • 1844 - A Montgomery Ward, found mail-order a nice business
  • 1857 - Samuel Sidney McClure, Irish-American newspaper editor & publisher
  • 1874 - Thomas J. Watson Sr., founder of IBM
  • 1888 - Otto Stern, physicist (Nobel 1943)
  • 1902 - Marian Anderson, operatic contralto
  • 1908 - Red (Walter L) Barber, sports announcer
  • 1924 - Margaret Truman, daughter of Harry S
  • 1925 - Hal Holbrook, actor
  • 1929 - Chaim Potok, novelist
  • 1934 - Alan Bates, actor (Zorba the Greek)
  • 1936 - Jim Brown, NFL fullback (Cleveland Browns)
  • 1942 - Huey Newton, Black Panther leader
  • 1945 - Pat Morrow, in Los Angeles - Peyton Place
  • 1947 - Dodie Stevens,

Lets Begin THe Day With A Joke

An accountant visited the Natural History museum.

While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old".


"Where did you get this exact information?"


"I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old."








Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in.


While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.


While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand.


Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."


21 Reasond Why I Love U

I can be myself when I am with you.


Your idea of romance is dim lights, soft music, and just the two of us.


Because you make me feel like, like, like I have never felt before.


I can tell you anything, and you won't be shocked.


Your undieng faith is what keeps the flame out of love alive.


You and me together, we can make magic.


We're a perfect match.


Thinking of you, fills me with a wonderful feeling.


Your love gives me the feeling, that the best is still ahead.


You never give up on me, and that's what keeps me going.


You are simply irresistible.


I love you because you bring the best out of me.


Your terrific sense of humor.


Every time I look at you, my heart misses a beat.


You're the one who holds the key to my heart.


You always say what I need to hear (You are perfect).


You have taught me the true meaning of love.


Love is, what you mean to me - and you mean everything.


You are my theme for a dream.


I have had the time of my life and I owe it all to you.


Of-course, your intelligence, 'cause you were smart enough to fall in love with me :-)

Tips To Surprise Your Lover With A Gift

Talk with your loved one, and gift at-least half of the money you would spend for the gifts, to missionaries, or for the poor. You will have the best of feelings inside you.


Pack a Chocolate Box with heart-printed wrapping paper, and sign it with a tag. You can also leave it at a place where your loved one will find it for sure.


Copy (or write) a love poem on a good letter pad, and express your special thoughts. You can also add it on with any other gifts that you are planning to give. You should also send a free virtual greetings, cause they are very popular now, and one expects them at every occasion.


Material Gifts are not the only things you can give, there could be better options. Plan out a special dinner with your sweetheart. It could be a candle-light or an open-air. But it has to be special in someway, otherwise the charm will be lost. If you do not have option of making it special, plan for some sort of surprise that you can give right after the dinner.


Stuffed Toys are more popular than ever, and always a great gift for her. Check out the local stores, you will be surprised with the variety.


If you would like to shed of some load of your bank, then think about diamond necklaces. They have a lasting impression!


Flowers! Possibly the most widely used gift, yet never loses its color. Do not miss this wonderful occasion to present some lovely flower to your love.


Arrange for home-delivery of some freshly cooked food, like dishes of fish, and include the message: " Just as fresh as my Love for you " You can also try your hand in cooking some easy-to-prepare dishes.


Try to figure out if your love wants, or requires something, but yet to buy it. If you have figured it out, you got it. It will be the best gift you can give. But careful, you must be dead sure that he or she is yet to get it for himself or herself.


Plan out the day someplace else, or if you do not have so much time, go for a drive to a not-so-crowded-place after work. Could be a great gift.


Buy a jack-in-the-box, and fix your small love note on jack, and have someone deliver your present to your love. The effect is electrifyingly surprising!


Buy a book or a CD on Love and then present it.

Expressing Your True Love

"They do not love who do not show their love" -William Shakespeare.


Are you in love? Perhaps you have a sweetheart, are engaged or married. If so, how do you express your love?


Do not hesitate to say "I love you." Not only it is common to exchange these words daily, but sometimes they are said several times a day. Yet, the divorce rate remains high. Why? Perhaps it is because words are hollow.


True, love needs to be communicated, but words are the weakest form of communication. After all, they are merely symbols, lacking substance. It is actions that count. William Shakespeare (1564 ~ 1616) did not say "They do not love who do not SAY they love." Rather, he said "They do not love who do not SHOW their love."


Yes, we communicate our love by showing or proving it. That is, we allow our actions to speak for us. Of what value is a husband's "I love you," if most of the time he is complaining and treating his wife with disrespect? But a gentle, kindhearted, generous, sympathetic husband bathes his wife with love without uttering a single word.


If you must express your love with words, don't just say "I love you," but explain what you mean by 'love.' For example, compare these two sentences:

1. "I love you."

2. "I respect, admire, and believe in you. I delight in your company and am proud and happy to be married to you."


Which would you rather hear from your partner? Which are you currently using?


But as powerful as the words in sentence two are, they will become tarnished, weakened, and crumble unless they are backed up with actions that prove you mean what you say.


Also, even if you are saying the right words to your spouse, if they are not said in the right way, they will be useless. For when your spouse interprets what you say, he or she will give just 7% weight in importance to the words you use. Far more important will be the tone of your voice (38% weight) and your body language (55% weight).


These percentages come from the well- known research of Dr. Albert Mehrabian, Professor Emeritus of Psychology, UCLA.


So, what Professor Mehrabian is saying is that when there is a mismatch with our verbal message and the tone of our voice and body language, the verbal message is discounted, ignored, or not believed. How do we make sure our words, tone of voice, and body language match perfectly? That's easy, be sincere! As long as you mean what you say, your message will get through loud and clear.


Did you ever stop to think why you love your spouse? One reason is the way he or she makes you feel about yourself when you are together. Armed with this knowledge, you can apply it to your relationship. That is, by encouraging, recognizing, appreciating, and praising your spouse, you will make him or her feel good in your presence, and this will stoke the flames of love, sustaining and developing your relationship. Someone else explained this principle by saying, "I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you."


Another reason we love our spouse is because of what we are not.


Although I have considerably changed over the years, when I first met my wife I was introverted and shy while she was outgoing and confident. Because she represented the ideal of what I wished to become, I was attracted to her. And I greatly benefited from the strengths she brought to the relationship. How have you benefited from your relationship? When was the last time you thanked your partner for their contribution?


But don't think only about your differences; think about how you are alike. For example, how do you feel when you are ignored, belittled, insulted, or unappreciated? That's exactly how your mate feels. Remember the pain and be sure not to inflict it on the person you love (or on anyone else).


Remember, too, your spouse is your mirror. In other words, he or she merely reflects how they are treated. If he or she is upset or unhappy it is because they are reacting to your behavior. So, if you don't like what you see, change YOUR behavior. Ken Keyes, Jr. explains the 'mirror effect' this way, "A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world: everyone you meet is a mirror."


Since your spouse will reflect to you whatever you give, why not give love? That would be a wise decision, for as Elbert Hubbard (1856 ~ 1915) said, "The love we give away is the only love we keep." Since we give away our love by taking action, let's look at some examples of how others have expressed their love for their spouse.


The husband of an acquaintance died many years ago. Yet, to this day she recalls, with tears in her eyes, how he told her every day, "I love you more than yesterday, but less than tomorrow." This simple act only took seconds to say, but each day it fanned the flames of love and left a mark that can never be removed.


In another example, the wife of a Toronto man who died in an accident fondly reported how after her marriage, her husband had a dozen roses delivered every Friday. In two decades of married life, he never missed a Friday delivery. Can you imagine how special and happy she felt? What is something you can do to make your mate feel special and appreciated?



An easy way to make your mate feel appreciated is to accept them unconditionally. Sam Keen explains it this way, "We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."



Here is a clever idea that comes from Michael Webb: Buy your partner eleven real red roses and one artificial red rose. Place the artificial rose in the center of the bouquet and attach a card that says, "I will love you until the last rose fades."



Why all this attention on love? Because as Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941) says, "He who comes to do good knocks at the gate; he who loves finds the gate open." Yes, open the gate and open your heart to life's only true adventure.



Here are two more authors offering compelling reasons for us to work on our relationships:



"Love makes burdens lighter because you divide them. It makes joys more intense, because you share them. It makes you stronger, so that you can reach out and become involved with life in ways you dared not risk alone." (Arthur Gordon)



"Without love one lacks the warmth and emotions which create life, youth, and beauty. He is like a stagnant pond compared with a flowing, babbling, laughing brook. He depresses the life force in those around him instead of radiating sunshine to all who come near him." Leon DeSeblo.

92 Year Old Groom Looking For Bride

Egyptian authorities have banned a 92-year-old Saudi man from marrying a poor teenage girl 75 years his junior, a judicial source said on Saturday.


The justice ministry made its ruling under a law designed to prevent wealthy Arabs from the Gulf from snapping up young Egyptian girls and which forbids marriage when there is an age gap of 25 years or more.


The unidentified Saudi holidaymaker proposed marriage to a 17-year-old village girl and offered a dowry of about 28,000 dollars as well as jewelry, the source said."Her parents, who are very poor, accepted," he told Agence France Presse.


But the justice ministry refused to register the marriage, citing the legislation brought in during the Gulf oil boom.


However, according to Egypt's Al-Akhbar newspaper, the authorities allowed 173 such marriages last year after the foreign husbands paid the equivalent of 8,000 dollars to the Egyptian National Bank.

Valentine Poem


Smile at each other, smile at your

Wife




Smile at your husband, smile at your

your children,




Smile at each other-it doesn’t

matter who it is –



And that will help you to grow

up in




Great love for each other

101Languages To Say I Love U



Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief


Albanian - Te dua


Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)



Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)



Armenian - Yes kez sirumen


Bambara - M'bi fe



Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo baashi


Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu


Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo


Bulgarian - Obicham te



Cambodian - Bung Srorlagn Oun (to female)


Oun Srorlagn Bung (to male)Cantonese



Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a


Catalan - T'estimo



Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse



Chichewa - Ndimakukonda


Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)


Creol - Mi aime jou



Croatian - Volim te



Czech - Miluji te



Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig



Dutch - Ik hou van jou



English - I love you



Esperanto - Mi amas vin



Estonian - Ma armastan sind


Ethiopian - Ewedishalehu : male/female to female


Ewedihalehu: male/female to male.



Faroese - Eg elski teg



Farsi - Doset daram



Filipino - Mahal kita



Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua



French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore



Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort


Georgian - Mikvarhar



German - Ich liebe dich



Greek - S'agapo



Gujarati - Hu tumney prem karu chu



Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw



Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia oi



Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female)



Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male)



Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw



Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae



Hmong - Kuv hlub koj



Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta



Hungarian - Szeretlek



Icelandic - Eg elska tig



Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw



Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu



Inuit - Negligevapse



Irish - Taim i' ngra leat



Italian - Ti amo



Japanese - Aishiteru



Kannada - Naa ninna preetisuve



Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka



Kiswahili - Nakupenda



Konkani - Tu magel moga cho



Korean - Sarang Heyo



Latin - Te amo



Latvian - Es tevi miilu



Lebanese - Bahibak



Lithuanian - Tave myliu



Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu



Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu



Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni



Marathi - Me tula prem karto



Mohawk - Kanbhik



Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik



Nahuatl - Ni mits neki



Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni



Nepali - Ma Timilai Maya Garchhu



Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg



Pandacan - Syota na kita!!



Pangasinan - Inaru Taka



Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo



Persian - Doo-set daaramPig



Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay



Polish - Kocham Cie



Portuguese - Eu te amo



Romanian - Te ubesk



Roman Numerals - 333



Russian - Ya tebya liubliuScot



Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort



Serbian - Volim te



Setswana - Ke a go rataSign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing 'I Love You'


Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan


Sioux - Techihhila



Slovak - Lu`bim ta


Slovenian - Ljubim te



Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo



Swahili - Ninapenda wewe



Swedish - Jag alskar dig



Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di



Tagalog - Mahal kita



Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li



Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe



Tamil - Naan unnai kathalikiraen



Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu



Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)



Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)



Turkish - Seni Seviyorum



Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu



Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo



Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)



Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)



Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu



Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh



Yoruba - Mo ni fe

Valentine Sms

# Valentine Day isn't jus' about hearts cupid red roses & lil heart shaped boxes Its's also 'bout friendship & togetherness & one time of...


# A friend like you is like a precious gem ... hard to find ... difficult to part with & treasured forever .... Happy Valentine's Day ! to a Friend who's...


# What is common b/w good friends & Valentine's? They fill the heart with love & smiles ! Happy Valentine's Day to my friend who brightens up so many...


# Your Friendship is like a Diamond ... true and rare. thanks for being a gem of a friend to me! Happpy Valentine's Day!


# Whenever I talk to , I feel a whole lot happier, you just know how to lift up my spirit ... in a nutshell. I Feel lucky to have a friend like you! Happy Valentine's Day.


# You got a new Messages .... Day & Night & all the moments in B/W .... all I do is think of U ! Happy Valentine's Day


# No shadows to depress u, only joys to surround u, friends to luv u, and God himself to bless u. These r my wishes for today, tomorrow & everyday...


# What the heart gives away is never gone, but kept in the hearts of others, from dusk to dawn. Love you from the core of my heart. Be my Valentine. I love you more today than I did yesterday, But not as much as I will tomorrow. Happy Valentine's Day!


# I searched through books & leafed through cards,
For words that would convey, what I had in my heart,
But when I sat down to write, all I can write was....I Luv U!
Happy Valentine's Day!


# Tonight I ask the stars above,
How I'll ever win your love,
What do I do,
What do I say,
To turn your angel eyes my way?
so..Happy Valentine's Day !!!


# We've known each other,
For a long long time,
But I never really noticed,
All the magic in your eyes,
I've been around you,
A thousand times before,
And you've always been a friend to me,
But now I'm wanting more....think about it !
Happy Valentine's Day!


# Tears can sometimes be more special than smiles...
For smiles can be given to any one...
But tears are only shed for people we love!
Happy Valentine's Day !


# Love is not how long u've been together,
Not how much u've given or receive,
Not how many times u've helped each other,
It's how u value each other !
Happy Valentine's Day !


# ---;-<@
---;-<@
---;-<@
Roses exclusively from a nice person...
"U"
From a simple person...
"ME"
Keep roses until they dry...
Keep my relation until I die...
Happy Valentine's Day !


# IF A PURFUMED ROSE TOUCHES YOUR FACE,
IF YOUR MOBILE DANCES ON A NICE TONE,
REMEMBER ITS ME TRYING TO SAY YOU
"HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY"


# I wan't to kiss ur lips
I wan't to play with ur teeth
I want to teaste ur tongue
Hey ! don't get angry friend
I m toothpaste.........
Happy valentine dear


# Though I may not be yours,
And I may, in my ignorance,
Be speaking to closed doors.
I have no inkling of your heart,
No hint what you might say;
But when I think of you the sun
Will just not go away
There is in you a loveliness
That makes my darkness shine,
And so I'll wait, if wait I must,
To be your Valentine


# T-here's richness in a love for life
H-ere among the valentines,
A-king and queen as man and wife:
N-ot leaning towards what lust inclines;
K-nowing well the needs of state.
Y-on regal grace alone attends,
O-n which the peace, both small and great,
U-ndone by doubt, alone depends.


# Will you be my Valentine?
I know that I am yours.
You are like a ocean,
And I am like your shores.
You are like an endless wave
And I your waiting san
And I will wait forever as
You come & smooth my hand.
I will wait forever, yet
You are a part of me.
I hold you in my arms, while you
Come to me endlessly.
Will you be my Valentine?
I know that I am yours.
I love you with a love that yearns
To be your golden shores.


# T-o my Valentine, with all my love,
O-f whom I cannot say enough in praise,
M-ay my love for you sufficient prove,
Y-earning to redeem your caustic days.
V-ortices within may drag you down.
A-nchor, then, in my serenity.
L-ove saves some who otherwise might drown,
E-mbarked alone upon their Galilee.
N-or should you deem your own love not enough
T-o be the chapel to which I retreat
I-n search of a pavilion for my pain.
N-o love is love unless it be a seat
E-nchanted, where a stone might weep again


# Valentine's Day
Is a wonderful way
To make "I love you"
Easy to say.


# B-e with us in the circle of our love,
E-ven if by chance you are alone.
O-ur greetings we have hope your heart will move,
U-niting our good wishes with your own.
R-emember there are those who think of you,
V-ested in the will to be a friend.
A-s distant hills give depth to what we view,
L-et these words some grace to your day lend.
E-ach life is lived behind a sheltering veil,
N-ot lifted but for love. Yet when we will,
T-here is a wind that shifts the rampart frail,
I-nvading with sweet scent the spirit still.
N-ow may we all enjoy this fragrance fine,
E-ach each other's secret Valentine.


# Be my Valentine: What does that mean?
Each of us must walk through life alone,
More deeply desolate than we have known,
Yearning for a truth we've never seen.
Valentines are from beyond that dream,
Are like a sunrise on a world of stone.
Little on this journey can we own
Except as miracles might intervene.
No way but through loving might we give
The freedom of our being to another.
In such a sacrifice we hope to live
No longer bound by dreams of flesh and bone,
Even as we bind our lives together


# Be my Valentine, my love,
As I will be for you,
And we will love the whole day long,
And love our whole lives through.
For love has no parameters
And does not end with time,
But is the gift of paradise,
A pinch of the sublime.
So let us take this holiday
To resubmit our love
To those within that know no sin
And with the angels move

Fake Dalai Lama

Dalai Lama is the spiritual leader of the Tibetan Buddhism and the political leader of Tibetan people. Often referred to simply as "His Holiness" (HH), or "His Holiness The Dalai Lama". "Lama" means "teacher" is a title given to many different ranks of Tibetan Buddhist clergy.


A Twitter account supposedly written by the Dalai Lama has been suspended after being exposed as a fake.


The feed attracted nearly 20,000 followers within 48 hours of launching, reports the Daily Telegraph.


It claimed to be administered by the "The Office of His Holiness the Dalai Lama", and directed inquiries to the exiled monk's official website.


Explaining the 73-year-old's decision to join the microblogging site, it said: "His Holiness thought it was prudent to make his office open and assessable to a more youthful and technologically advancing audience."


Another Tweet read: "I'm sure HH will be just as inquisitive about technology as he has been over the past 14 reincarnations."


Twitter took the rare step of suspending the account after it emerged that the person behind it had no connection to the Nobel Peace Prize winner.


"The account was suspended because it violated our Terms of Use regarding impersonation," Twitter co-founder Biz Stone said.


The feed is now live again, with a caveat that its contents are not affiliated with the real Dalai Lama.

Lovers Island!

Google Earth discovered a tiny heart-shaped island in the Adriatic. It has become a holiday hit for St Valentine's Day.


Even the uninhabited island's owner didn't realise how perfectly heart-shaped the island off the Croatian coast was until he was swamped with requests from lovers to stay there.


"It has been incredible. We think it is the most perfect heart-shaped island in the world," said Vlado Juresko whose family owns the 130,000 square yard islet of Galesnjak, hastily redubbed Lovers' Island.


"Nobody lives there so if lovers really do want to spend time alone it's the perfect desert island.


"We always thought it looked a bit like a heart but since it's been on Google Earth everyone else has seen it too and the whole world seems to want to stay here."

Weird Jokes

Two biologists are in the field following the tracks of a radio-collared grizzly bear. All of a sudden, the bear crashes out of the brush and heads right for them. They scramble up the nearest tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first biologist starts taking off his heavy leather hiking boots and pulls a pair of sleek running shoes from his back-pack. The second biologist gives him a puzzled look and says, "What in the world are you doing?"


He replies, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it."


The second guy says, "Are you crazy? We both know you can't outrun a full-grown grizzly bear."


The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!"





A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates.
The doctor said how he'd healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell.


The engineer told how he'd built homes for the homeless, etc.; but he messed up the environment, so he was sent to Hell.


The fungal taxonomist was frightened by all this, but as soon as he mentioned his occupation, God said "You've already been thru Hell, Welcome to Heaven."

Melasurey - City of Mystery

Melasurey is a city where nothing is impossible. IT is a places of power & magic. Some of these powers are of the light, and some of the dark. Powers of creation and powers of destruction. Neither good nor evil. Just raw power, twisting and curling with energy and chaos in its primal purity.


There are some unfortunate beings, creatures that pre-date civilizations that can sense, and track down these places of power. And if they wanted to, if they were willful enough, if they were cunning enough to deceive the molecules of life, if they were desperate enough, some of these beings would be able to steal the raw powers of the universe.


These people become greedy, though. After the first taste of unfiltered unadulterated magic flowing through their veins, they become violently addicted to the magic. They need it every moment of their lives, until their hunger consumes them from the inside, a horrible fire that starts from their hurts and ends in their ashes.


The city of Melasurey was one such place. One of the epicentric ones. It's the place where gods come to die, where demons and monsters crawl in the dark. It's the place where angels and devils meet in the intrigue of the night, and where men are NOT mortal. It's the place where gods are born, where light angels dance in the starlight.


Jestar knocked on the shack door, his face stern and amused. It had been a long journey. But he was finally here. He sensed the wondrous things that were going on around him, but he couldn't see them. Not yet.


The shack was a mass of wood barely held together by nails and sweat. The door opened, just a bit at first, letting out a dim shine of red light. An old, old eye looked out from the gap. Jestar met the ancient eye with his own, squinting slightly, his lips curling to form a smile. The gap widened, and red light streamed out. The eye had disappeared, and the threshold was empty. Jestar felt the barrier tentatively and found no blocks. He persisted inside and sought his prize.


On the chair was a… creature. It was shaped like a baby, except it must have been mixed up in some other gene pool before coming into this world. Its deformed face crunched up, it's obscenely short legs lying uselessly on the chair. It had long hands; one of them was healthy but thin, and the other was just skin and bones. It was clothed in a huge rag dirtier than Jestar's shoe.


Despite appearances, Jestar smiled. And asked, “Is it here?”


Who could have thought the little creature could speak? But, it did. And it had a perfectly normal voice. “Yes, it is. Remember your word, Lord Jestar. I need it.”


The 'Lord' Jestar gave a frozen smile, “I don't go by that anymore. But, that's another story. I remember my words. All of them. You'll get what you want, you cheat.”


The creature ignored his last words, and simply nodded. It turned its face to one of the walls, and its eyes blazed red. A flick of the finger and several clicks of the tongue, and part of the wall was replaced with a door, runes covering it from head to toe, patterned lines and ancient symbols splattered all over.


Jestar waved a hand over the door, and everything THUD on it disappeared. As soon as the runes were gone, the doorframe began to THUD rattle, slowly at first but the shaking became more violent each moment. THUD THUD


Another wave stopped the rattling, and there was only a piercing silence in the air. Jestar opened the door and walked through, finally coming face to face with the thing he'd been searching for.


The doorway had opened to a large plateau, dusty and red. Lying on the dusty ground stretching from one horizon to the other was a great being on brink of utter rot. The air was filthy and foul, stagnant and dead. Quite unlike the god. He was being held down by a thousand thousand snakes, each longer and bigger than the last, and no matter how much the god struggled, they only tightened their tenacious hold.


There are gods born every second. If they're lucky, they get to die.


Jestar smiled viciously. He stepped closer to the great being, his body perfusing with dark light energy. “The moment of my triumph, old fraud. It's finally here.” Within moments, he was standing on top of its chest, a sword in his hand, its tip sharper than moonlight. “Vi Veri Mortuus Deux Vivus Vici.” By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the dead god. He liked making pop culture references. But nobody every seemed to get them.


The sword dug deep, and wound even deeper still. Had Jestar not silenced the god before coming in, he'd be short of two eardrums and a lot of blood vessels. The god screamed silently into the red night, and it was louder than the end of the world. The god power flowed out of the gaping wound, and into Jestar filling his soul with endless vitality. For a moment, just a little bit of the burning white flow of energy left through the place where the door had been. Jestar remembered his words.


Melasurey is the place where gods are born, where gods come to die, and where they're taken to be killed.


The shack was no longer there- only rubble of wood and steel. Standing in front of it was a handsome woman no older than thirty winters. One of her hands was atrophied and bony. She held onto her rags with her healthy hand. Looking down on her damaged limb, she smiled. “Thank you, Lord Jestar.” Said the lady in rags to the night air. The only ones who heard her words were the light angels, and they were certainly chatty little creatures…


Weird Jokes

A researcher arrives in Borneo to gather data for his thesis.


Accompanied by his trusty guide, he seeks out a very remote locale for researching the mating behaviour of the giant rat of Sumatra.


Around dusk of the first day, he's sitting by the campfire with his guide when in the distance, he hears tribal drums.


They get louder.


The guide announces, "I don't like the sound of those drums."


The dusk turns evening. The drums get louder.


The guide says, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."


Evening turns to dead of night.


The drums get louder and louder, until it is obvious that the drummers must be quite close.


The guide says again, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."


Suddenly the drums stop, and a voice from the darkness cries out, "Hey man, he's not our regular drummer!"





An anthropologist decides to investigate the natives of a far-flung tropical island.


He flew there, found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site where he would make his collections.


About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums.


Being a city boy by nature, the anthropologist was disturbed by this.


He asked the guide, "What are those drums?"


The guide turned to him and said "Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop."


Then, after some hours, the drums suddenly stopped!


This hit the anthropologist like a ton of bricks, and he yelled at the guide: "The Drums have stopped, what happens now?"


The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said, "Bass Solo".



"A teacher asked us if anybody knew the names of the continents.


I became so excited.


It's my first day of 7th grade, I'm in junior high and I know this
answer.


So I raised my hand, I was the first one, and I said, 'A-E-I-O-U!'"

-Jessica Simpson

Can't find what you're looking for? Try Google Search!

Related Posts with Thumbnails

My Blog List

  • Quickly how dreams change - Turbulent waters mar the seashore The skies riddled with clouds of grey A passageway open no more Anchored we stay stuck to the bay The discord is palpable ...
  • Pahela Falgun Bangla Sms - চমকিবে ফাগুনের পবনে, পশিবে আকাশবানী শ্রবনে চিত্ত আকুল হবে অনুক্ষণ ...অকারণ... ♥ ♥ সহি কি করে সখি রে ~~ সখি রে ~~ বল না তারে ~~ ~~~~~~~~ ফাগুনের শুভেচ্ছা সবাই...
  • Pictures Of Malala Yousufzai - *Subscribe in a reader* Love Fun, Visit Here Weird & Funny Picture Collection Blogging, SEO & Tech nology Tips Site