Fun Archive

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Spain - World Cup Football Winner 2010

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UNO ( UNITED NATIONS ORGANIZATION ) BUILDING IN VIENA, AUSTRIA

Weird Jokes

@ How many publishers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to change it and two to hold down the author.

@ How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?

"Do we have to get author's approval for this?"

Two, one to change the bulb and one to issue a rejection slip to the old bulb.

@ How many proofreaders does it take to change a light bulb?

Proofreaders aren't supposed to change light bulbs. They should just query them.

@ How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in almost all the way in and the other to give it a suprising twist at the end.

@ How many writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and one to tell a long story about it.

@ How many literary critics does it take to change a light bulb?

Literary critics don't know how, but rest assured they'll find something wrong with the way you do it.

Financial Crisis

At present financial problem is the huge problem all over the world.Headlines all around us seem intent to focus on the “newness” of the crisis and how governments across the world have to come up with new coping strategies. Well, it's really not that simple. We can learn from the three regions around the world from three different time periods who have already dealt with their own crisis and have stories to tell.

Japan in the 1990s:

The early 90s saw the Japanese filled with euphoria. Inflation was an all time low, Japanese exporters were churning out automobiles and household electronics as if there was no tomorrow, and the stock market was finally steady and actually climbing. And then came November 1997, a D-Day for the Japanese economy. Japanese Banks, in a chilling reminder for today's policymakers and bankers, went in freefall while the government stood by, helplessly watching the carnage. There were three main reasons why this happened. Firstly, the stricter supervisory regime that came with the Japanese government handouts to banks meant the banks were both less able and less willing to lend. And faced with depleted capital and concerns over borrower credit quality, banks also aimed to shrink the amount of loans outstanding, and vastly cut down on the amount of loans, which decreased liquidity. Lastly, the weaker economy, which was still hurting after the recession of the early 90s, also caused loan demand to fall.

The lessons for today's policymakers are stark: the stricter rules that come with bail-outs, and the economic weakness that will ensue as banks stop lending so liberally, will feed on itself and reinforce the collapse of credit availability we're already seeing in economies around the world today. Japan may have made its own situation worse by hiking the sales tax from 3% to 5%, but Obama and Co, the default economic leaders of the world, would do well to continue on the path that they have already taken: stimulate consumers with a number of tax incentives while at the same time prop up the banking system and sending a strong disincentive against speculative borrowing and lending.

The Great Depression of the 30s:

You've probably heard of comparisons of the current crisis with the Great Depression in one way or the other: the stock market crash, rapid jumps in unemployment and of course banks falling like a house of cards. Like the Depression, the tentacles of the current economic crisis have crept throughout the world. The causes too are strikingly similar: a housing bubble that no one anticipated bursting, weak government regulations and a weak Washington leadership (at least at the beginning) that paralyzed the financial and legislative system. Fortunately, with the help of hindsight, the solutions look pretty clear as well.

For one, governments all across the world have to be more pro-active now. The Great Depression was caused by a lethargic US Government that allowed both money supply to fall drastically, causing a mass shortage of credit, while at the same time allowing banks to die leading to a general sense of gloom that permeated very quickly. This time around, governments have already got a head start and have started using both fiscal and monetary policy to combat the problem. Governments also haven't made the same mistake of raising taxes to fund public spending. It's true that the debt to finance government spending has to be paid off eventually; taxing the poor while they're down is simply not an alternative. Leaders should also take note that although the Great Depression was ameliorated by the Second World War, this was not a sustainable solution. The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the larger self-declared War on Terror has greatly bogged down the US economy and its partners' finances. Simple arithmetic means that every single penny going into the war efforts mean a penny diverted from mending the financial catastrophe.

The Asian Financial Crisis of the late 90s:

The very recent financial crisis that affected mostly countries in East and South-East Asia should provide us with another opportunity to study, learn and combat the current crisis. Once again, the parallels between today's crisis and that of just a decade ago couldn't be more similar: the Asian crisis was based on bursting of asset price bubbles, which led to insolvencies of financial intermediaries and further asset price deflation, akin to (although much simpler than) what occurred in the US housing market today. There are some key differences to note though. One is the fact that the Asian crisis emanated from a cluster of several East Asian countries, and was more or less restricted to that region. This is in stark contrast to today's crisis which started from the US housing market which exported poisonous derivatives which ultimately afflicted all developed and some developing countries. The centrality of the source of the problem makes today's crisis trickier: it's tougher to battle your way out of a crisis when the world's largest economy is struggling with its own macroeconomic, financial, and exchange rate problems whereas the regional hub is in good overall shape (Canada and Mexico haven't tasted the same degree of panic). But the lessons that the Asian crisis provide can be utilised perfectly in this era as well: rapid expansion of bank and nonbank credit (far in excess of the growth of the real economy), cum high concentration of credit to the real estate and equity markets, is almost always a harbinger of trouble, in developing and industrial countries alike. This lesson was perfectly applicable a decade ago, in a region far, far away. It's just that sometimes economists (and more importantly, politicians) are just very poor historians.

St. Martin Island - THe Land of Paradise

St. Martin's Island is a small island in the northeast part of the Bay of Bengal, about 9 km south of the tip of the Cox's Bazar-Teknaf peninsula, and forming the southernmost part of Bangladesh.

I had been to this miraculous place this winter holidays by a sea truck with my parents, sister and grandfather. It was a lovely ship named 'Eagle' and it was a very fast sea vessel in which we made the journey to the heaven of enchantment. Throughout the journey we listened to ethnic Bangla songs like 'jao pakhi bolo tarey', 'nithua pathare nemechey bondhu rey dhoro bondhu amar keho neye'. I was listening to these local songs for the first time and they had a magnetic appeal and rhythm for my ears which were only used to English and Hindi music. To my utter surprise I was enraptured by the melody and lyrics so profoundly that for several weeks I found myself humming these tunes. After two and a half hours I could visualise the distinct and faint outline of a sandy land rising out of the azure sea. At first I only saw the jade green coconut treetops. Later I realised why this tiny island was called 'Narikel Jinjera' (Coconut Island) formerly.

When we finally disembarked from the ship I entered a long awaited paradise.Getting out of the jetty I saw that the only means of transportation were small 'thela gadis' or cycle vans with pieces of cloth tied above for shade. I was thrilled to sit on these vans as it was a totally different and new experience for me. It was hardly a three minute ride from the jetty to the hotel but I was a bit taken aback to see that the fare was quite high as we had to pay 100 takas for this mini ride.

I entered our hotel 'Prasad Paradise' with eyes brimming with anticipation. My sister and I were so restless that soon after a hasty lunch we raced to the beach where the most captivating sight awaited us. The smooth silky sand path led us to the beach, where the opal marine waters embraced the muddy soil. We felt as if we were in a daze and it seemed there was no other shore to the water. The water was a spectacular blue and its tranquility floated me away to paradise. The sweet smell of the salty water was lovely, while the sound of the rushing waves breaking to foam on the shore, was like melodious music to my ears. I tossed my hair over my shoulders as the cool wet breeze made it fly. I stood motionless and spellbound thinking of the bounty and wonder of God's creation. That afternoon I did not get wet as I was extremely tired after the long journey, so we went back to the hotel.

I went back and sat on a hammock. I felt elated. I could see the awesome sea from my hammock and I entertained my craving ears with the madrigals of the sea, and my nostrils were full of the aroma of the sea-pinks. I t was a rare moment. The ambience was out of this world- a unique moment which I have captured in the folds of my heart and memory.

Then came the night with its own majestic and mystifying glamour. The silvery swirling full moon, glittering like a huge jazzy diamond, swam on top of our heads while the rising shiny waters reached for us. The sun beds on the beach now became the moonlit beds .The union of the moon and the waves was a scene of par excellence. The water bathed in its sparkling beams and the silver plated, shimmery waves splashed and hit the shore with a terrific and musical force forming pearly suds. That was it for the night a scene of grandeur to last a life time. We strolled back to our hotel, had our dinner and went back to our bedrooms. But who could sleep with so much natural aura, and excitement around? My sister and I shared the same bay view bedroom, we could sit and savour the exquisiteness of the moonlit night, and hear the playful gurgling of waves. A mystery hung around the whole setting. I felt I was in a trance.

The next morning, before anyone woke up I rushed to the hammock and enjoyed the solitude to my heart's content. Then my mother and I planned to take a walk and enjoy the beauty of the early morning. After having breakfast in a way side hotel, we hired a 'thela gadi' we set out for a tour of the island. As I mentioned earlier I really loved the ride. It was a different feeling- so ethnic and unique. Next we went to 'Narikel Bagaan'and as we entered the place I understood why this island was previously called 'Narikel Jinjera'. History records say that the island was renamed St. Martin's Island in 1926 after the name of the District Collector of the British Government, Mr. Martin.

This place was a feast for the eyes.....a shady haunt where rows and rows of coconut trees laden with the heavenly fruit grew in abundance. We had the water of the green coconut. Never have I tasted such refreshing, sweet water. It was so soothing and sweet that it tasted even better than honey. As I drank I felt that as if the water was purifying me. Then we went back to the beach of 'Prasad Paradise'. In my opinion, the beach in front of this place is comparatively the best in the entire island.

This time I was determined to plunge myself fully in the aqua blue waters since this was the last day of our stay. I could not believe how time flew by. Before exploring the welcoming waves and a world of transparent blue clears I collected some exquisite and big shells which seemed to be even more precious than the priciest showpieces. Some young maidens were selling a few black and white fascinating corals. They were mysterious and attractive. I picked a white one and felt its sharp spikes and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was indeed a rare treat for the eyes.

To wrap up I can say that I was in search of heavenly bliss and my search ended in St. Martin's island. I did not know that Bangladesh had such a magnificent island. In this one night and two days I feel that I know this island for more than years can add up to. It welcomes me and I want to go back to it again and again. I have developed a special attachment for this island that words cannot describe. I miss St. Martin's island and feel that it has become an inseparable part of my mental psyche. Unfortunately uncontrolled tourism is invading and corrupting this blissful arcadia. Moreover, neglected coral status and lack of supervision of numerous ships which pollute the blue waters is leading the island towards destruction. Let us all pledge to preserve this price less treasure trove of rare coral species, marine turtles and the lovely flora and fauna which nature has so lavishly bestowed on us. It is high time we listen to the pleading voices of the natural habitats of this matchless idyllic haven.

Laugh and Sorrow Toghther

THE winds blew hard against her face and she wrapped the jacket tighter against her body. She stood in the middle of the vast desert. All those past memories flooded her mind and she could recall each and every one of them with unusual clarity as if they where happening right in front of her.

She saw a girl in her early teens dressed up in a pretty summer dress standing in front of a mirror. The girl was trying her best to look pretty and she constantly changed her posture to see which one of them suited her the most. But then when she showed her self to her friends they all seemed to have hysterics and they said to her that nothing would ever suit her. The girl suddenly halted on her tracks. She pretended as if it was normal to laugh at some one and laughed along with them, mocking her own self.

She then saw a girl in her mid teens smiling up at a boy of her own age. The girl's eyes were glittering with hope and apprehension and then the boy spoke and he asked her if she could arrange for him the number of her best friend. For an instance the smile faded from the girl's lips but then she forced a grin on her face and showed him the thumbs up.

Her trail of thoughts then stopped at another incident where she saw the same girl who was now in her late teens standing in front of a guy. The guy was repeatedly telling her sorry. The girl had a card clutched in her left hand and when she heard the guy say sorry the card fell from her hand but she laid a friendly punch on the guy's shoulder and said ' we will still be friends, right?' and with that they both laughed out.She sighed. Through all those years the girl had coated all her sorrows with laughter because she did not want to lose her friends. But now that they were all gone, the girl had no reason to hold back her tears.As she looked up and saw the stars appear one by one in the night sky, a tear rolled down her cheek.

Marko Calason ,The Youngest IT Professional

IT's always been known that young children are very good with technology. They can program electronic devices that make adults pay money but leave baffled as how to use. But one particular young person has taken the mastery of electronics to new heights. Marko Calasan, from Skopje, the capital of Macedonia, has become the world's youngest certified computer system administrator.

"I'd like to be a computer scientist when I grow up and create a new operational system," he said.

Marko, whose favourite subject at school is mathematics, learnt to read and write at the age of two, which was when his interest in computers began.

The news of his achievement has turned him into a celebrity in Macedonia.

His mother Radica, 37, said that her son displayed "exceptional learning abilities at a very early age" and that she and her husband, who run a computer school, call on Marko to help solve technical problems when they crop up.

"He is obviously extraordinary gifted, but children above the age of six could learn much more about computers than generally assumed," she said.

Marko is also fascinated by physics and astronomy and struggled to sleep the night before the launch of the Big Bang experiment at the underground facility of the European Organisation for Nuclear Research in Switzerland.

Marko said: "The media said it could cause the end of the world, but there was never any danger of that."

Piercing Style

ALMOST everyone wants a nose piercing but nobody wants the pain. The good news is: once you're finally done with the whole piercing process, you can actually wear lots of nose rings and studs which actually add a whole new trendier dimension to your look.

Nose piercings are relatively more painful than ear piercings because the skin on your nose is harder and fatter, and also because the nose has more cartilage than skin. You can pierce your nose in two ways:
a) you can either go to the hospital and get it pierced by a doctor,
b) you could take the more commonly followed way, that is, go to a beauty parlour and get it pierced.

Piercing your nose at the hospital is a lot more hygienic and safe, but also a lot more painful. You'd have to get an appointment with the doctor from before. Trust me, seeing the protagonist and his lover dance around trees in about-to-burst clothes soothes the nerves. You'll keep laughing till you have tears in your eyes, which is good, because it won't remind you about the piercing.

If your doctor is great, he'll distract you with conversations about his daughter and how girls today are so courageous that a piercing doesn't have any effect on them. If your doctor is professionally great but personally not-so-pleasing, he'll warn you not to cry or scream during the piercing and get down to business ruthlessly. Mine was the former, thank God. Anyway, let's not digress off topic.

You'll be given anesthesia at first, which might be a nose spray to numb that region. The nose spray itself is pretty painful because it burns when it reaches your throat. Then comes the injection, which is more painful than the actual piercing itself. You're going to be injected in the nose. I recommend clutching the bedsheets of the hospital bed you're sitting in. The actual piercing feels a whole lot less painful after the injection, which is probably the point of the injection, but anyway. The whole process is done with surgical instruments.

After the piercing is done, a piece of thread will be inserted through the piercing and tied into a knot. This thread has to be rotated at a regular basis to make sure the piercing largens and heals. The amount is a little hefty, but this procedure is a lot more safer.

Oh, and after a few weeks of your piercing, you have to open the thread and wear a thin nose ring or stud of gold. Replacing the thread with an actual nose ring is, let me warn you, excruciating pain. People who do not scream under any circumstances will scream and shriek. People who do not shed tears of pain will cry- but you could always say that you didn't cry, tears just 'sprung to your eyes'. If people buy what you say, that is.

If you want your nose to be pierced at the beauty parlour, you're in for a journey that is less painful. Your nose will be pierced with a gun and it will be done in possibly a minute. Depending on various factors, you will be given antibiotics. The nose stud is simultaneously inserted when the piercing is done with the gun. The amount of pain you will feel depends on how thick the skin on your nose is, really. Once the nose stud is inserted, you can't open it yourself. You have to go to the beauty parlour again to get it opened and wear a new one.

So there. That's how you get your nose pierced. Alternatively, if you don't want to undergo the painful process but still want to wear nose rings, you could always wear the fake ones available that you just have to adjust on the skin of your nose; but then, you miss the whole glittery world of intricately designed diamond nose studs, see?

History Tells The Truth

RisingStars

We don't know how true any of this is, but it made interesting reading.

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes when you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight & sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based; this period was called the honey month or what was known today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's."

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

The Wahoonie

Journalism is hard, mostly because it rarely ever brings with it the promise of promotion. The only time a journalist does get promoted is when he either a.) Gets hold of a scandal story through which various famous people deplore and threaten him or b.) Gets killed because of what happened in (a.) or c.) writes a column consistently for over a number of years which people ignore over a number of years and then is noticed suddenly because people now want him to retire and hand over his space to this new other journalist with deluded dreams of grandeur.

In most music industries around the world you have your commercial rockers and metal-heads who feed the masculine generation their need for something to feel good and manly about. And then you have your 'serious' musicians who read Freud and Jung and try to incorporate the anima animus into their music. These people rarely ever manage commercial success but they do hit it off with depressed males and females living in the dark of their rooms. And then you have your Beyonces and Rihannas who cater to the masses' libido. We have the same as well. Except our version of female pop icons usually are somewhat better suited to scare kids to sleep. They aren't exactly the stuff that makes guys sweat when watching their music videos. The Reporter was sent to interview just such a female. And being the Reporter, he never knew what he was walking into. He caught up with her at some studio when she was getting ready to get yodel… sing.

But there was a chaperone valiantly trying to ensure the wannbe icon didn't get into trouble with her parents for talking to unknown guys.

Chaperone: Bhai, apne ke?

Reporter: Um… ah… I'm here for the interview.

Chaperone: Kisher inntarbhieu? Amare to kisu bola hoi nai. Na bhai.

Reporter: See, um, this letter states Ms. Chila over there is releasing a new album. I would just like to ask her a few questions.

Chaperone: Bhai, apne Banglai kotha kon bhai. Eto beshi engrezi koile kemne hoibo?

Reporter: Um…er…

At this point things become a little fuzzy. The Reporter, as we've long stated is suffering from chronic schizophrenia. One of his inner demons took over. For the sake of legal issues concerning The Human Rights for Low Paid Chaperones Group, we won't go into detail as to what happened. Let's just skip to the interview.

The Reporter: Excuse me, ma'am?

Chila: Whaot?

The Reporter: I'm sorry I didn't get you.

Chila: Aye sayed whaot?

The Reporter: Eh?

Chila: Oh alright. I would've thought you working for a distinguished English newspaper would get an English accent. Where's my guard?

The Reporter (ignoring the latter question): They didn't really give us classes in dialects when they were teaching us grammar.

Chila: They didn't? Well, you should have learned on your own. Like I did.

The Reporter: You did dialects? Why?
Chila: I was bored. And the 8 A level subjects I took weren't filling up my time as I hoped they would. So I learned stuff.

The Reporter: You mean like singing?

Chila: Nah… singing came to me naturally. I found I was always good at it. Did you know I can imitate falsettos?

The Reporter: That explains a lot. You say imitate falsettos? Why can't you just sing them?

Chila: Eh… too much trouble. Hey… why is my guard over there twitching like that?

The Reporter (deftly changing the subject from twitching chaperones): I see. Anyway. You're releasing a new album and people seem to be… not so interested. Do you figure you're lack of commercial success stems from being distant and disconnected from the audience?

Chila: What are you talking about? Everybody I know can connect with me. Heck, some friends of mine even manage to finish my sentences for me. I'm sure the general population can understand my music.

The Reporter: Well, I wouldn't say not being able to understand, the public probably think that naming you're one of your songs The Huge Wahoonie may be bit too much. Then there was that other song, Quantum Relativity. They probably didn't understand that.

Chila: What's wrong with the The Huge Wahoonie? And Quantum Relativity? What's there not to understand?

The Reporter: Well, not all of us took 8 subjects in their A levels. Some of us didn't even know there were 8 subjects to be taken. Most of us just try to live with the fact that we have to give A-levels to care much about quantum.

Chila: Meh… small minds. And what's that gurgling noise? Did you do something to my guard?

The Reporter: Small minds?!!? I'm not the one who sang a song called The Huge Wahoonie! And you're a pop icon. I'm not surprised you came up with something like that. No sane person would…

Chila (now quite angry… her fake disaffection is starting to fade): Pop icons? Was that a jab? Just because we sing commercially marketable songs that don't mean much doesn't mean we're stupid. I mean Mariah Carey had an album called E=MC2. She obviously knew what she was doing! Do you know my E is = to MC squared?

The Reporter: Um… maybe it's a reference to the fact that most MCs are squared up on E, E meaning ecstasy? But how does that have anything to do with your upcoming album?

Chila (now taking a huff, obviously that jab about ecstasy hit home): Well, my next album is going to be named after the Trapezium Rule.

The Reporter: The Trap-a-Zion Rule? You must be really worked up about Gaza!

Chila: That's anti-Semitist that is. And it's the Trapezium Rule!

The Reporter: Hey! It's not my fault you have a weird Swahili accent!
Chila (now considerably pissed): It's a cultured English accent!

The Reporter: Sounds Irish. Drunken Irish to be exact.
Chila (going nuclear): You… you little…Why is my guard running away? What's that sticking out of his?

The Reporter (panicking): It was nice meeting you ma'am. As for your chaperone… who knows? Now I must be going.

Chila: Hey wait! You haven't asked me anything about my album!

The Reporter: I've gathered enough! I must being going now… before the guard returns.

And then things became fuzzy again. Schizophrenia is a bad disease. When The Reporter finally made it back to the office with the interview, he was babbling about a certain naked man on the streets who had given him chase. Knowing his mental state we dutifully ignored him. The Reporter is considering going back to administration. Journalism causes schizophrenia anyway.

Abroad Study - University of Southampton

Situated in the south coast of England in the city of Southampton, the University of Southampton has today grown to be one of the finest institutions for higher study in UK and Europe, specially known for its Enginnering schools. Established in 1862 as the Hartley Institution, it was upgraded to the status of a university college in 1902, and by a Royal Charter in 1952, was turned into a public research-intensive university. Today, with world class research and hundreds of students studying for their PhD, Masters and Undergraduate Degrees, the university truly lives up to its motto of Strenuis Ardua Cedunt (The Heights Yield to Endeavour).

The University of Southampton is a member of the Russell Group and of the Worldwide Universities Network. It has constantly been ranked as one of the best research universities in UK by its RAE (Research Assessment Exercise) assessments, and according to The Times Higher Education Supplement, the University has the second largest research income among British universities for the physical sciences and mathematics, and the third largest research income for engineering and technology. The University places great emphasis on inter-disciplinary cooperation and on collaboration with industry.

Before 1952, the University of London gave the degrees at Southampton and in a Royal Charter that year, the Queen granted the university of Southampton a right to award degrees in its own right. This conferred full university status and made Southampton independent of the University of London. It grew rapidly and gained a reputation for a strong academic approach.

The University's main buildings are situated on a large site on the campus in Highfield, but the University has other campuses elsewhere around the city: at Boldrewood (biomedical sciences), Southampton General Hospital and on the waterfront at the National Oceanography Centre.

It also has a campus in the nearby city of Winchester which is the home of the University's School of Art, known as the Winchester School of Art. The Avenue Campus houses most of the Humanities subjects taught at the University, including History, English, Film, Philosophy and Modern Languages. The Centre for Language Study is based at Avenue Campus. Archaeology is also located there in a series of purpose-designed buildings (the most modern archaeology facilities of any British university). Music is taught on the Highfield Campus, near the Turner Sims Concert Hall.

The University of Southampton and the MIT recently announced the launch of a long-term research collaboration, the Web Science Research Initiative (WSRI), that aims to produce the fundamental scientific advances necessary to guide the future design and use of the World Wide Web.

The School of Electronics and Computer Science, generally abbreviated "ECS", is regarded by the IET (Institution of Engineering and Technology) as having the "biggest and strongest academic unit in the country in Electrical and Electronic Engineering" and has been at the forefront of the Open Access movement. Its research has achieved the top 5* rating in the last two Research Assessment Exercises, and in 2003 it was awarded the prestigious 'best 5*' rating by the Higher Education Funding Council for England (HEFCE).

Chaired by Sir Tim Berners-Lee, the school is regarded as one of the best in the UK for both computer science and electronics, scoring 5th and 1st for the subjects respectively in the Guardian Unlimited University Guide 2008 and 5th and 2nd respectively by both the Times Online Good University Guide and the Good University Guide.

ECS was the first academic institution in the world to adopt a self-archiving mandate (2001) and since then much of its published research has been freely available on the Web. It created the first and most widely used archiving software (EPrints) which is used worldwide by 213 known archives and continues to be evolved and supported from the School.

The University of Southampton did particularly well (25th) on the G-factor metric, which uses Google links to measure the influence of universities' research. Southampton came third among British universities, behind Cambridge and Oxford.

The University of Southampton Students' Union (SUSU), is sited in three buildings opposite the main Library.The multiple award winning student radio station, Surge, broadcasts from new studios in the main Union building. The award winning website SUSU.org was created and run by students at the university. The student newspaper, originally Wessex News, is now published once every three weeks as Wessex Scene following a name change in 1996.

The University provides accommodation for all first year students who require it. Places in halls are also available for international and postgraduate students. Accommodation may be catered or self catered.

Notable academics to work at the university include Sir Tim Berners-Lee, inventor of the World Wide Web, Erich Zepler who made leading contributions to radio receiver development, Professor David N. Payne who invented EDFA for use in fibre optics cables.

List of Faculties, Schools and Centres

The Tizard Building, home of the Institute of Sound and Vibration Research
National Oceanography Centre, Southampton

* Faculty of Engineering, Science and Mathematics

o School of Chemistry
o School of Civil Engineering and the Environment (includes the centre for Environmental Sciences)
o School of Electronics and Computer Science (ECS)
o School of Engineering Sciences (includes Aerospace Engineering, Mechanical Engineering and Ship Science)
o School of Geography
o School of Mathematics
o School of Ocean and Earth Science (SOES)
o School of Physics and Astronomy
o Institute of Sound and Vibration Research (ISVR)
o Optoelectronics Research Centre
o Transportation Research Group (TRG)
o National Oceanography Centre, Southampton (home of the School of Ocean and Earth Science) (NOCS)
o Southampton E-Science Centre

* Faculty of Law, Arts and Social Sciences

o School of Social Sciences
o School of Management - see below
o School of Education
o School of Law
o School of Art (based at Winchester School of Art)
o School of Humanities
o Parkes Institute
* Faculty of Medicine, Health and Life Sciences
o School of Biological Sciences
o School of Health Professions and Rehabilitation Sciences
o School of Medicine
o School of Nursing and Midwifery
o School of Psychology
o Health Care Innovation Unit

* Southampton Statistical Sciences Research Institute

ESRC National Centre for Research Methods
The university has 24,735 students, 17,120 of whom are undergraduates and 7,615 postgraduates. Acceptance rates are low, which make it one of the most competitive universities in UK to get into. If you are planning to start classes in the upcoming Septemeber Session, its high time that you should start the application process. More information can be found in the university website: http://www.soton.ac.uk/

World's Fastest Car Moves With Electric

THE guys at Shelby SuperCars, having taken down the mighty Bugatti Veyron to claim the title of fastest car on the planet, are challenging Tesla Motors for electro-supremacy with an EV which promises to put down 1,000 horsepower.

The boutique automaker caught our attention when it first mentioned the Ultimate Aero EV last summer, and now it has come through with some specs. They are pretty outlandish with a speed of zero to 60 in 2.5 seconds and a 10-minute recharge time but we will suspend our skepticism long enough to clear some space in the Autopia Fantasy Garage.

Shelby says the Ultimate Aero EV will showcase the company's "All-Electric Scalable Powertrain," which it says can be tailored to suit a wide variety of vehicles, from compact city cars to heavy-duty trucks and even military vehicles.

For the uninitiated, Shelby SuperCars builds insanely overpowered and absurdly fast cars. The fossil-fuelburning 2009 Ultimate Aero produces 1,287 horsepower and is said to be capable of 270 mph. That oughta be enough to retain the "world's fastest car" title Shelby took from Bugatti back in 2007 when an Aero hit 256.18 mph.

As for the car's electric twin sister, Shelby says it'll feature twin liquid-cooled motors that together produce 1,000 horsepower and 800 pound-feet of torque. The Tesla which, it should be said, favors agility over brawn, having been born of Lotus DNA puts out 248 horsepower and 276 pound-feet. The twin-motor approach is not unusual: Fisker Automotive is using it in the Karma plug-in sedan it showed off at the Detroit auto show.

That power will flow through a three-speed automatic transmission that is electronically controlled to shift gears in less than a quarter of a second. Shelby says the Ultimate Aero EV will do zero to 60 in 2.5 seconds and top out at 208 mph. The battery is presumably made of lithium-ion, but Shelby does not say if it will be good for 150 to 200 miles on a single charge. That seems reasonable, given that Tesla claims 224 for the Roadster. But Shelby's claim that its "Charge on the Run" on-board charging system recharges the battery in 10 minutes (at 220 volts) leaves us dubious.

Shelby says the super EV will roll out of the factory by the end of this year. We are skeptical, because if there is anything Tesla has shown us, it is bringing a high-performance electric sports car to market on time and on budget is really tough. Still, Shelby says it will have a running pre-production model by the end of the second quarter and promises to bring it to "one of America's super-speedways to prove its claims" in front of journalists.

School Children Should Play More Than Work

Researchers reported on Monday that a growing trend of curbing free time at school may lead to unruly classrooms and rob youngsters of needed exercise and an important chance to socialize.

A look at more than 10,000 children aged 8 and 9 found better classroom behavior among those who had at least a 15-minute break during the school day compared to those who did not, Dr. Romina Barros and colleagues at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York reported.

The behavior assessments were general in nature and not made at any particular time of the school day, their report said. "The available research suggests that recess may play an important role in the learning, social development, and health of children in elementary school," the research team said in a study published in Pediatrics, the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

But today many children get less free time and fewer physical outlets at school "because many school districts responded to the No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 by reducing time committed to recess, the creative arts, and even physical education in an effort to focus on reading and mathematics," they added. The researchers also found that children not getting recess were more likely to be black, from poor families and attending public schools in large cities.

"This raises concern in light of evidence that many children from disadvantaged backgrounds are not free to roam their neighborhoods or even their own yards unless they are accompanied by adults," the team said. "For many of these children, recess periods may be the only opportunity for them to practice their social skills with other children."

Barros told Reuters that previously published research indicates that poor children often are deprived of recess because "those schools are located in very violent neighborhoods, and there is the concern that children may get exposed to fights or gun shooting while in recess." In addition, she said, such schools are often overcrowded, with space designated for recess or physical activity turned into classrooms.

The study also said the growing problem of childhood obesity needs to be addressed by more activity, especially at school where children spend so much of their day. One earlier study found that free time has shrunk for U.S. children in and out of school since the 1970s, the report said. At the same time most elementary schools in Asia provide a 10-minute break after every 40 to 50 minutes of instruction, it added.

Neglectful Parents of Britain Should be Punished

Parents in Britain who refuse to pay child maintenance could have their passports and driving licences confiscated without a court order under tough new laws aimed at cleaning up the welfare system.

The Welfare Reform bill, which will be debated by lawmakers on Tuesday, also seeks to nudge single parents and people with health problems into employment and to make the long-term unemployed work for their state benefits. "For those who choose not to support their own kids, we will not stand by and do nothing.

If a parent refuses to pay up then we will stop them travelling abroad or even using their car," said work and pensions minister James Purnell. The government has dubbed the changes the biggest shake-up of the welfare system for 60 years but it has also come under criticism for tabling the reforms at a time of soaring unemployment and slumping economic activity.

Pulitzer-winning author John Updike dies

John Updike, a leading writer of his generation who chronicled the drama of small-town American life with flowing and vivid prose, wit and a frank eye for sex, died on Tuesday of lung cancer. He was 76.

"It is with great sadness that I report that John Updike died this morning," said Nicholas Latimer of Alfred A. Knopf, a unit of Random House. "He was one of our greatest writers, and he will be sorely missed." The Pulitzer Prize-winning author died in a hospice in Massachusetts, the state where he lived for more than half a century, prolific in his writing of novels, short stories, essays and criticism.

Updike's stories often focused on undercurrents of tension masked by the mundane surface of suburban America, which boomed in 1960s and 1970s as his career was taking off. Ripples of sexual tension were frequent. An early short story, "A&P," chronicled an adolescent boy's inner turmoil when three bikini-clad teenage girls appeared in the supermarket where he worked.

"It's one thing to have a girl in a bathing suit down on the beach," Updike wrote, "and another thing in the cool of the A&P, under the fluorescent lights, against all those stacked packages, with her feet paddling along naked over our checkerboard green-and-cream rubber-tile floor." Updike's frank focus on sex came before the profound changes in U.S. culture of the late 1960s lifted some of the taboo from the topic.

His publisher rewrote portions of his second novel, "Rabbit, Run," before its first printing out of fear of being charged with obscenity. That novel introduced the fictional hero Harry "Rabbit" Angstrom, the subject of four Updike novels and a novella over four decades, which won him two Pulitzer Prizes for fiction. 'AMONG THE VERY BEST' Updike was acclaimed nearly as much for his short stories, poetry and critical essays as for his 28 novels.

More than 800 Updike stories, reviews, poems and articles were published in The New Yorker magazine from 1954 through 2008. Many American readers strongly associated Updike with that publication. "Even though his literary career transcended any magazine -- he was obviously among the very best writers in the world -- he still loved writing for this weekly magazine, loved being part of an enterprise that he joined when he was so young," said David Remnick, editor of The New Yorker. "He was, for so long, the spirit of The New Yorker and it is very hard to imagine things without him."

William Pritchard, a professor of English at Amherst College who studied and knew Updike, said Updike stood out for his versatility -- writing fiction, nonfiction and verse. "He stands, for me, at the very top of the practice of being a man of letters," Pritchard said. "Each activity was carried on with great intelligence and wit and love." 'MAKE EVERYTHING COUNT' Born in Reading, Pennsylvania, Updike studied English at Harvard University, where he contributed to, and later edited, the satirical Harvard Lampoon magazine.

After a year studying at Oxford, Updike moved to New York where he worked for two years on the New Yorker's staff. In 1957 he moved his family to Ipswich, Massachusetts, a coastal town north of Boston, and later moved to nearby Beverly Farms. A New England flavor features in Updike's 1984 novel "The Witches of Eastwick," set in a fictional Rhode Island town, which was made into a commercially successful 1987 film starring Jack Nicholson and Cher.

In a Reuters interview in 2005, he said his view of himself as a writer had changed in recent years as he produced an increasing volume of art and literary criticism and struggled with the short-story medium. When asked which genre he preferred, he paused. "If I had been asked that 10 years ago I would have said short stories is where I feel most at home. I'm not sure I do feel totally at home any more, whether I have maybe written all my short stories," he said.

He was candid about the need to get writing published: "I've become much more of a book reviewer and an art reviewer for that matter than I ever planned to. At least there is a comfort when you sit down to write one of these that you'll be sure that it will get printed and you'll get paid for it. It's not the case with a short story."

Conflict Between Boyfriend and Girlfriend

Modern days we find lot of trouble between girlfriend & boyfriend. China also faces same kind of problem.

A woman called police in China after her boyfriend refused to warm up her cold feet.
Police officer Xiao Deng, of Ningbo, said he received two consecutive calls, one from the woman complaining her boyfriend refused to warm her feet - the other from the man saying his girlfriend was too demanding.

Deng went out to the rental apartment, close to Ningbo University, to try to resolve the issue but found the couple still rowing, reports Modern Times.

He says the boyfriend told him: "Have you ever seen such a girlfriend? She put her cold legs on my belly, giving me stomach cramp.

"I asked her to take them away and she said she would only put them there for a short while. I agreed, but after 10 minutes she still had them there, saying it was very comfortable."

Deng says he eventually persuaded the boyfriend that it was a man's job to warm his girlfriend's feet but told the woman not to leave her feet there for too long.

The young couple put aside their differences and thanked him for coming out to solve their problem, he added.

Britain's Largest Pensioner

A great-grandad has been named Britain's strongest pensioner - at the age of 75.
Ged Mullane, from Oldham in Lancashire, has beaten competitors up to 15 years his junior to become British Bench Press Champion in the over 60s category.

Ged will now represent Britain in the European Championships in the Czech Republic on 23 October - where he's hoping to win by bench pressing 16-and-a-half stone.

He told the Oldham Advertiser: "I've got 15 years on some of the other competitors, but I'm really looking forward to it all the same."

The father-of-four is certainly no stranger to hard training. In his younger days, the former electrician was a member of the Salford Harriers athletics team.

As part of his keep-fit regime, Ged would run a total of twelve miles to work and back every day - completing the journey quicker than if he took the bus.

"I used to have ten training sessions every week and would sometimes take detours to make up some more miles," he said. "especially if I was training for a race."

Rare 'Marilyn Monroe' Picture

Marilyn Monroe personified Hollywood glamour with an unparalleled glow and energy that enamored the world. Although she was an alluring beauty with voluptuous curves and a generous pout, Marilyn was more than a '50s sex goddess.

Her apparent vulnerability and innocence, in combination with an innate sensuality, has endeared her to the global consciousness. She dominated the age of movie stars to become, without question, the most famous woman of the 20th Century.

A movie fan called a press conference to unveil a previously unseen nude photo of Marilyn Monroe - only to be told it was Madonna.

Embarrassed Lawrence Nicastro, 73, had called newsmen to see his poster-size picture of Marilyn posing as a hitch-hiker.

He thought it was taken in 1960 as Marilyn made The Misfits, reports The Sun.
And his 'exclusive' was confirmed by Monroe expert Chris Harris who was sure the grainy snap of a naked girl smoking was authentic.

But, as Mr Nicastro revealed it in Las Vegas, one reporter realised it was an image of Madonna from her controversial 1992 book Sex.

Mr Nicastro looked again at the photo and had to admit: "You're right."

He had found the photo at his Las Vegas home and thought a customer had left it at the garage he used to keep.

He added: "If ever there was an embarrassing moment."

Laugh Time

PHONE BILL

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting...

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone.I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones...

STYLE OF POLITICIAN

A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.

After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said.

Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

Jokes of the Day

RULE OF HEAVEN'S

Three old friends pass away together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they arrive, St. Peter says, "We have only one rule here in Heaven... don't step on the ducks." So they enter heaven and, sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, one of the friends accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman the man has ever seen.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman!" The next day, the second friend accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman.

He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first friend. The third friend observes all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps.

He manages to go months without stepping on any duck but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on... a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The man asks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity?"

The women replies, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."