Jokes Of The Day

Jokes Of The Day

Doctor: "Did you take the patient's temperature?"


Nurse: "No. Is it missing?"

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Doctor: "Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?"


Nurse: "No change yet."

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Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.

The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room.

We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one.

I think I deserve to go to heaven." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room.

It's a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO."

St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file.

After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven ... for five days!"

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THE THREE BILLY-GOATS GRUFF

THE THREE BILLY-GOATS GRUFF

Once upon a time there were three billy-goats called Gruff.

One fine day, the three billy-goats Gruff set off up the hillside. They were going to look for some sweet grass to eat so that they could grow fat.

On the way up the hillside, the three billy-goats Gruff came to a river. On the other side of the river was a beautiful meadow. In the meadow was the finest grass they had ever seen.

There was a wooden bridge over the river. Under the bridge there lived an ugly troll. People were afraid to cross the bridge because of the troll. Every time he heard footsteps on the bridge, he popped out and gobbled up the person who was trying to cross.

The three billy-goats Gruff were very frightened at the thought of the troll. Yet they longed to eat the sweet grass in the meadow, on the other side of the river.

After a while, the youngest billy-goat Gruff said that he would be the first to try to cross the bridge.

Trip, trap, trip, trap, went the hooves of the youngest billy-goat Gruff on the wooden bridge.

Out popped the troll’s ugly head. He was so ugly that the youngest billy-goat Gruff nearly fell down with fright. “Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?” roared the troll.

The youngest billy-goat Gruff spoke in a tiny voice. “It’s only me, the littlest billy-goat Gruff, ” he said. “I’m going to the meadow to make myself fat.” “Then I’m coming to gobble you up,” roared the troll.

“Oh! No! Please don’t gobble me up,” said the youngest billy-goat Gruff, in a tiny voice. “I’m far too little and not at all fat. Wait until the second billy-goat Gruff comes along. He’s much fatter than I am. ”

“Very well,” said the troll. “Be off with you! I’ll wait until the second billy-goat Gruff comes along.” So the youngest billy-goat Gruff crossed the bridge and skipped off into the meadow to eat the sweet grass.

Then the second billy-goat Gruff said that he would try to cross the bridge. Trip, trap, trip, trap, went the hooves of the second billy-goat Gruff on the wooden bridge.

Out popped the troll’s ugly head. He was so ugly that the youngest billy-goat Gruff nearly fell down with fright. “Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?” roared the troll.

The second billy-goat Gruff spoke in a rather soft voice. “It’s only me, the second billy-goat Gruff,” he said. “I’m going to the meadow to make myself fat.” “Then I’m coming to gobble you up,” roared the troll.

“Oh! No! Please don’t gobble me up,” said the second billy-goat Gruff, in his rather soft voice. “I’m not very big and not very fat. Wait until the third billy-goat Gruff comes along. He’s very big and very fat. ”

“Very well,” said the troll. “Be off with you! I’ll wait until the third billy-goat Gruff comes along.” So the second billy-goat Gruff crossed the bridge and skipped off into the meadow to eat the sweet grass.

Then at last, up came the eldest billy-goat Gruff, to try to cross the bridge. He was a very big billy-goat. His beard was long and his horns were almost fully grown.

TRIP, TRAP, TRIP, TRAP, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, went the hooves of the eldest billy-goat Gruff on the wooden bridge.

Out popped the troll’s ugly head. He was so ugly that the youngest billy-goat Gruff nearly fell down with fright. But he did not show it. He only stamped his hooves harder - TRIP, TRAP, TRIP, TRAP, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

“Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?” roared the troll. The eldest billy-goat Gruff’s voice was even louder and gruffer than the troll’s voice. “It’s me, the biggest billy-goat Gruff,” he bellowed.

“Then I’m coming to gobble you up,” roared the troll.
“Oh no you are not!,” bellowed the eldest billy-goat Gruff. “I’m coming to gobble you up! ” And he stamped his feet even louder; TRIP, TRAP, TRIP, TRAP, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

After that, the eldest billy-goat Gruff butted the troll with his big horns. The troll fell off the bridge and into the river.

The ugly troll fell head first into the deep water. There was a mighty splash and he did not come up again.

So that was the end of the ugly troll.

From this time on, people went over the bridge without fear. Never again did the troll pop his head out from under the bridge to roar,“Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?”

Then the three billy-goats Gruff lived happily in the meadow on the hillside. They ate the sweet grass and they really did get fat.

SNOW WHITE AND THE 7 DWARFS

SNOW WHITE AND THE 7 DWARFS

Snow White lives with a beautiful Queen. The Queen has a magic mirror. The Queen likes to look in her magic mirror. She says, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of us all?”

The mirror says, “You are the fairest,” and the Queen is pleased.

One day the Queen looks into her magic mirror and says, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who is the fairest of us all?”

The mirror says, ”Snow White is the fairest.”

The Queen is angry. She says to a man, ”Go with Snow White and kill her."

Snow White and the man go off into the forest. Snow White says, “Please do not kill me I will make my home here in the forest. You can say that you killed me. I will not go home to the Queen”

“Of you go then,” says the man. Snow White goes off into the forest. She sees a little white house. She stops to look at it.

Snow White looks into the little house. No one is at home. She goes in. All the things in the house are little. Snow White gets into one of the little beds.

Some dwarfs live in the little house. They come home and see Snow White in bed. “Who I s this girl?” they say.

Snow White gets up. She sees the dwarfs. “Please help me” she says. “The Queen wants to kill me.” “You can live here with us,” say the dwarfs. Snow White thanks the dwarfs.

The dwarfs go off into the forest to work, and Snow White works in the house all day.

One day the Queen looks into her magic mirror and says, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who is the fairest of us all?”

The mirror says, “Snow White is the fairest.” “What?” says the Queen. “Snow White is not here. She is dead.” “No,” says the mirror. “Snow White is not dead. She lives with some dwarfs in a little white house in the forest.”

The Queen is angry. “I have to kill Snow White,” she says. She gets some apples. One of the apples is big and red. The Queen puts poison on the big red apple.

The Queen puts on her black cloak. She goes to look for Snow White. She comes to the little white house and says, “Can I come in?”

Snow White looks to see who is there. The Queen says, “Here is a big red apple for you.” She gives Snow White the apple with poison on it.

Snow White likes apples. She thanks the Queen and has one bite of the apple. Then she falls down as if she is dead. The Queen is pleased.

The Queen goes home and looks in her magic mirror. She says, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who is the fairest of us all?” “You are the fairest,” says the mirror.

The dwarf come home and think that Snow White is dead. “What can we do?” they say.
A Prince comes to the house. He sees Snow White and stops to look at her. “What a beautiful girl” he says. He picks Snow White up, and the piece of poisoned apple falls from her mouth. Snow White looks at the Prince.

The Prince says to Snow White, “Please marry me.” “Yes” says Snow White. She thanks the dwarfs, and then she goes away with the Prince.

The Queen says to her magic mirror, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who is the fairest of us all?” “Snow White is the fairest, and she is going to marry the Prince,” says the mirror. The Queen is so angry that she falls down dead.

Snow White and the Prince get married. Everyone is very happy.

MOTTO : BE HAPPY WHAT YOU HAVE