Jokes of the Day - Whales, Motorcycle Ride

Jokes of the Day - Whales, Motorcycle Ride

Whale

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".

Motorcycle Ride

There were two guys on a motorcycle driving down the road.

The driver was wearing a leather jacket that didn't have a zipper or any buttons.

Finally he stopped the bike and told the other guy, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in my chest."

After thinking for a while he decided to put the coat on backwards to block the air from hitting him.

So they were driving down the road and they came around this curb and wrecked.

The farmer that lived there called the police and told them what happened.

The police asked him, "Are either of them showing any life signs?"

The farmer then said, "Well, that first one was 'til I turned his head around the right way."

Husband VS Wife

Husband VS Wife

WIFE'S DIARY

Sunday night.I thought he was acting weird.We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have coffee.I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhereQuiet so we could talk.He agreed but he kept quiet and absent.I asked him what was wrong.

He said: "Nothing."I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.He said it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry.On the way home I told him that I loved him.He simply smiled and kept driving.I can't explain his behavior;I don't know why he didn't say: "I love u, too."When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.He just sat there and watched TV;He seemed distant and absent.

Finally, I decided to go to bed.About 10 minutes later he came to bed.I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.I don't know what to do.I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.My life is a disaster.

HUSBAND'S DIARY

Today, Manchester United lost the match. DAMN IT..!!(Ends)

Sex Hunger

Sex Hunger

Female chimpanzees are hungry for sex with as many males as possible, and keep their mouths shut about it to boost their chances of luring the top chimps, a Scottish university has found.

Scientists at St Andrews university studied the copulation calls -- sounds they make during mating -- of female chimpanzees in Uganda to find out more about what they mean.The Scottish institution's team concluded that female chimps sometimes keep quiet during sex so their female rivals do not find out what they have been up to.


Evolutionary psychologists Simon Townsend and Klaus Zuberbuhler studied chimp behavior in Uganda's Budongo Forest over 16 months.The team established that female chimpanzees hid their sexual activity when high-ranking females were nearby, perhaps in a bid to reduce competition for good-quality males.

This could prevent higher-ranking female chimpanzees from turning on them.They also found the females produced more copulation calls when high-ranking males were around to attract them to have sex.The scientists believe that having sex with several males causes confusion among the male chimpanzees as to which one sired the offspring.The males are therefore less likely to kill any babies that might be theirs.

The study found no evidence that males were competing to have sex with females after they produced copulation calls, and no link between a female's fertility and her use of the calls."Chimpanzee females adjusted their calling behavior in flexible ways, potentially to avoid aggression from other females and possibly to secure future benefits from the socially important males," the study said.

The research indicated that the social pressures deriving from resource competition acted as an important selective force, shaping the copulation calling behavior in wild chimps."Competition between females can be dangerously high in wild chimpanzees," said Townsend, part of the team."Our findings highlight the fact that these females use their copulation calls in highly tactical ways to minimize the risks associated with such competition."

The female chimps we observed in the wild seemed to be much more concerned with having sex with as many different males as possible, without other females finding out about it, than causing male chimps to fight over them."We also found that the calling behavior of copulating females was unrelated to their fertile period and therefore not linked to the likelihood of conception."

Zuberbuehler added: "Copulation calling may be one potential strategy employed by female chimpanzees to advertise receptivity to high-ranked males, confuse paternity and secure future support from these socially important individuals."

Special Kitchen for Dogs

Special Kitchen for Dogs

A soup kitchen exclusively for dogs has opened its doors in Berlin providing pets of the homeless and unemployed with a free meal, the director of the establishment said on Friday.
Despite the looming financial crisis, director Claudia Hollm dismissed criticism that it may be more sensible to collect money for humans than for dogs.

"Nowadays people underestimate dogs. They are incredibly important for those who lack social contact with other humans," Hollm told Reuters.

"Making sure dogs don't go hungry is just as important as making sure that people don't starve," she added.

Hollm, and her company "Animal Board," gets sponsorship from companies, including animal food manufacturers.
One woman who uses the free service said she had two dogs, four cats, a rabbit and some guinea pigs.

"Without this animal bread line, I'd probably starve to death," the 20-year old told German daily Sueddeutsche Zeitung.

The opening of the soup kitchen follows last month's launch of a new bus service in Berlin for dogs, which shuttles their furry friends to a luxury dog day-care center.

COMIC PICTURE

COMIC PICTURE