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Unbelievable Picture

Wife Meaning

Husband asks, “Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!”

Wife says, “No, it means...With Idiot For Ever”

Question & Answer

Question: If a devil catches your wife, what would you do?

Answer: You can do nothing. If devil has committed a mistake let him face the consequences.

Why divorce?

- In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my love life."

- "But why ?" asked the judge.

- She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."

- The judge asked, "How do you know ?"

- She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

Wedding Ring

At the cocktail party, Farhana said to AKKEL, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? "

The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

Why?

Bekkel said, " Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. " Why Dad ? Tell me why!"

Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."

50th Anniversary

This couple has been married happily for 50 years. On the 50th anniversary, the wife decide to give the husband a special gift. so, she tell him, as the gift I will give you a chance to ask me anything, I'll give you the true answer.

This was a great chance for the husband as he had a question in his mind for a long time, but could not ask out of politeness. the husband ask, see, out of our 7 children, john is completely different. so, i was always suspicious that he has a different father. that is the reason I could never love him and was harsh to him all the time. is it true, does he have a different father?

The wife paused for a minute, but to keep her promise, she said: yes.

The husband was shocked. still, to know the truth, he asked: who is his father.

This time, there was even a longer pause. finally she answered: YOU.

Bekkel with his Father

On a romantic day Omi' s girlfriend asks him.

"Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring"

Omi : Ya sure, from landphone or mobile?

A+

In an English class, the teacher asked students to write the shortest essay possible with three elements in it : - sex, religion and mystery.

So one of the female student wrote this in her essay and got A+!

"Oh god, I'm pregnant, but who is the father?"

Window Cleaners Dressed As Spider-Man

In Hampshire, window cleaners are dressing up like Spider-Man to clean building windows.

The idea came from Jon Balch, who runs Dorset Property Maintenance, and says the business has been booming ever since he thought of this idea. John Balch told the Sun, "The customers just love it.

And the phones are red-hot because now everyone wants Spider-Man."

Many of the customers also ask if they can get a picture taken with the window cleaners. Balch also added, "The Lycra suits give the lads so much freedom, so they're running all over the roofs and ladders in double quick time."

Today's Exclusive Poem

When I stand, I stand Firmly

When I Trod, I trod Confidently

When I work, I work Diligently

When I Give, I give Heartily

When I Receive, I receive Thankfully When I Deal, I deal Honestly

When There’s Knowledge, I grasp Hungrily

When I Listen, I Listen Attentively

When I Believe, I Believe in Reality When I Speck, I speck with Authority

When I am Challenge, I face it Courageously

When in Doubt, I approach Cautiously

When it’s Unsafe, I focus on Security

When I Socialize, I do it Joyfully

When I am Tired, I Relax Freely

When I Sleep, I Sleep Peacefully

When I Pray, I Pray Sincerely

When I do Anything, It’s to my Best Ability

Yes! I Live With Pride and Dignity

Miracle Flight

Hesley Sullenberger spent practically his whole life preparing for the five-minute crucible that was US Airways Flight 1549.

He got his pilot's license at 14, flew fighter jets in the Air Force, investigated air disasters, mastered glider flying and even studied the psychology of how cockpit crews behave in a crisis.

When the ultimate test came on a descent over the Hudson River, he spoke into the intercom only once and gave perhaps the most terrifying instruction a pilot can give — "Brace for impact" — with remarkable calm.

And as the 150 passengers of Flight 1549 marveled at their hero pilot's skill and cool head, they learned what friends and relatives of Sullenberger say they have known all along.

"This is someone who has not just spent his life flying airplanes, but has actually dug very deeply into what makes these things work, and I think he proved it," said Robert Bea, a civil engineer who has known Sullenberger for a year.

"He is, how should I call it, a humble man," he added. "But he is damned smart."

Miracle on the Hudson'

On Friday, the 57-year-old pilot fielded a congratulatory call from President George W. Bush. His wife said he was still in New York and probably would not return home to California for several days.

The engineer of what Gov. David Paterson called "a miracle on the Hudson" had yet to speak publicly, but the accolades piled up. Mayor Michael Bloomberg showed off a key to the city for the pilot. Congress took up a resolution paying tribute. The governor said someone had offered $10,000 to build a statue of Sullenberger.

His wife, Lorraine, appearing outside their Danville, Calif., home, called her husband a "pilot's pilot" who "loves the art of the airplane." She described him, as almost everyone else had, as controlled and professional.

"This is the Sully I know," she said. "I always knew how he would react. So to me this is not something unusual. It's the man I know."

Sullenberger grew up in Denison, Texas, about an hour north of Dallas. In those days, he went by his middle name, Burnett. People remember he made headlines in the local paper for flying a crop duster at age 15.

His sister, Mary Margaret Wilson, said Sullenberger built model airplanes, taking care to paint even the most minuscule details on the faces of the pilots.

"He was in the brainiac clique," said Robert Brady, who graduated from Denison High with Sullenberger in 1969 and is mayor today. "I knew who he was — a nice guy, the kind of guy you wanted to sit behind in class so you could cheat off him."

Sullenberger served in the Air Force from 1973 to 1980 and flew F-4 Phantom II fighter planes. The Air Force said he was a flight leader in Europe and the Pacific and led war-game exercises over Nevada.

He became a commercial pilot in 1980 for an airline later bought by US Airways. In the cockpit with Sullenberger on Thursday was a 49-year-old co-pilot, Jeffrey Skiles, whose life story bore some of the same marks: Skiles' father said he had been flying since age 15, and had been with US Airways almost 26 years.

"I know he did everything he could," his mother, Deloris Skiles, said Friday at her home in Verona, Wis. "He's a modest fellow and a very modest man."

'Always looking to get better'

Two years ago, Sullenberger started a California consulting firm, Safety Reliability Methods. It advertises itself as offering companies ways to apply the latest safety advances from "the ultra-safe world of commercial aviation."

Bea, who co-founded the Center for Catastrophic Rick Management at the University of California at Berkeley, said Sullenberger had approached him about a job after he retires as a commercial pilot.

He said Sullenberger, who has degrees in psychology from the Air Force Academy and Purdue University, had been studying how crews react in a crisis.

Wilson, recalling her brother's childhood crop duster flights, said she was usually nervous flying in small planes — but never with him. She said he was always professional and never cut corners.

"I think Burnett is a very duty-oriented person," Wilson said. "He is always looking to get better. He would be the one person who could land a plane in the water without any engines."

'Brace for impact'

On Thursday afternoon, as Sullenberger banked his crippled Airbus A320 left over the Bronx, steered it over the George Washington Bridge and down the Hudson River, his life and 154 others depended on his expertise. The jet's twin engines had apparently been disabled by a collision with a flock of birds.

The cabin was almost completely silent when Sullenberger came on the intercom seconds before the plane hit water.

"I can tell you verbatim: 'Brace for impact,'" said Mark Hood of Charlotte, N.C., who was flying home after a work trip. "He said it in a calm, cool, controlled voice. It was a testament to leadership."

"Had he let any tension leak into his voice," Hood said, "it would have been magnified in the passengers."

As the cabin took on water, Sullenberger climbed out of the jet only after the four other crew members and 150 passengers made their orderly exit. When he reached a raft, someone on a ferry tossed him a knife, and he cut away the tether to the jet.

One by one, the passengers were plucked to safety from the rafts, Hood and Sullenberger the last ones left. The passenger insisted the pilot get off first, but Sullenberger refused. He had been the last off the plane, and he would be the last off the raft.

Money For Toiletless Train

A German man received $270 compensation for the torture he endured for not being able to relieve himself for two hours.

The Frankfurt court made the German Railways pay the man $270 for not providing the man an adequate toilet.

The man walked for two hours throughout the packed train looking for a place to go to the bathroom. The toilets had all been locked because there was not water avaiable for flushing the toilets.

"The plaintiff had to torture himself with his urgent need for two hours because he could not find a free toilet," said the court.

The man finally got to use the one bathroom that was in working condition which was kept locked.

The man got access by another passenger having to pressure the ticket inspector.

Twin Brothers Killed in Same Road Accident

Two brothers, aged 71, were killed on the same day and on the same road two hours apart in Helsinki, Finland.

Both were killed in an identical bike accident that was only two hours apart. "This is simply a historic coincidence.

Although the road is a busy one, accidents don't occur every day," police officer Marja-Leena Huhtala said.

One of the twins was killed by a truck which hit the man early on Tuesday morning in Finland.

The other twin was killed approximately two hours later also by a truck while he was riding his bicycle a half a mile down the road.

Train Disaster

A man who survived one of Egypt's biggest train disasters, which killed 360 people, died on his way back from his journey.

The man, Abdel-Rahim Qenavi, 22 escaped the big disaster with slight injuries by jumping off one of the rear carraiges.

However, after spending time with his family during a religious festival Eid al-Adha, he died by slipping under a train while waiting at a train station to return to Cairo.

Is Sleeping Good During Working?

A town in Germany has discovered that sleeping while at work has increased worker efficiency. The small town of Vechta which is situated southwest of Hamburg, have allowed the workers to take a nap for 20 minutes.

They can go home or doze off at work after lunch. "In the beginning employees were skeptical about the project, but then they were happier and they started working better." said town spokesman Frank Kaethler.

This project started because their was a lot of work that needed to be done and not enough employees, so they received a course from the local health insurance company on napping.

It has been found that 22% of the German population naps but the town of Vechta is the only one that has implemented the project.

Living in Car for 26 Years

A London woman, Ann Naysmith, lived in her car for 26 years.

The woman, who was a former music teacher, decided to reside in her car after she had been evicted from her flat in London.

She has been living in her Ford Consul since 1976. Her car was however removed by the local council as it was said it could be a possible health hazard.

The neighbours, who became used to the 60 year old lady, decided to buy her a red Mercedes in replacement of the Ford Consul."

"It seemed a straightforward and sensible solutions," said the owner of the Mercedes, Sian Lines.

The owner of the Mercedes also added that it was sensible since the lady had threatened to set herself on fire in protest.

Family To Spend A Week In Shop Window

A department store in London is looking for two adults and two teenagers to spend a week living in a shop window for their store.

The Knightsbridge store Harrods and white goods maker LG Electronics are auditioning people to replace the mannequins.

"The hope is that the event will be like Big Brother, where you can see how people react with one another," said the spokeswoman for the companies, Katherine Selby.

The four people that will be chosen will be given training for a week on acting and their media skills.

The "family" will be displayed between May 20 - May 25 for everyone to see. However, they will be allowed to sleep at night in a London hotel.

Recent Quips from Late Night

"I watched that new reality show on ABC with Charlie Gibson, 'America's Next Top Vice President.' ... Oh, what an exciting show that is! Did you see Sarah Palin's interview with Charlie Gibson? Did you all watch that?

In fact, John McCain was watching it at home, and at one point, he turned to his wife and said, 'She looks really familiar.'" --Jay Leno "The other day John McCain appeared on the show 'The View,' and one of the hosts accused McCain of being a liar.

Yeah, she may have a point, because McCain started the interview by saying, 'Ladies, you look beautiful.'" --Conan O'Brien "I mean, look how she handles Geppetto here from the Folksy Wood Carver network [on screen: Palin's interview with ABC's Charlie Gibson.

In this segment, he asks her about the Bush doctrine]. Yeah, whatever, Charlie. Do you know what the Bush doctrine is? I don't think Bush knows what the Bush doctrine is. The point is this, she doesn't need to know the Bush doctrine. She is the Bush doctrine.

Her foreign policy experience consists of being able to see Russia from an island in Alaska. And a refueling layover in Ireland. Now that might give some people who are asked to be vice president, pause. But we have a word for those kinds of people.

Communists [on screen: Palin saying she didn't blink when accepting the vice presidential slot]. Total certainty would be such a refreshing change of pace in the White House." --Jon Stewart "For some reason, the Secret Service revealed this, that Sarah Palin's Secret Service code name is 'Denali.' Turns out 'Denali' is an old Eskimo name that means 'Dan Quayle.'" --Jay Leno "On Election Day, Ralph Nader will appear on the presidential ballot in only 45 states.

Yeah, Nader said, this is really disappointing, I wanted to embarrass myself in all 50 states. That was the plan." --Conan O'Brien "Now, of course, we all know that John McCain has said that as governor, Sarah Palin requested no earmarks. It turns out it's almost true.

The senator was only off by $453 million [on screen: Gibson outlining Palin's earmark requests, including $2 million to learn more about crab mating habits]." Jon Stewart "And despite all the animosity in this campaign, you know, John McCain and Joe Biden are actually old friends from the Senate. They've been friends for years. In fact, they go back so far that when they first met, McCain had hair, and Joe Biden didn't."

--Jay Leno "This weekend in New York City, gays and lesbians staged a protest, demanding the right to get married. When he heard this, President Bush said, 'Wait a minute, now gays want to marry lesbians?'" --Conan O'Brien

Jokes of the Day - Whales, Motorcycle Ride

Whale

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".

Motorcycle Ride

There were two guys on a motorcycle driving down the road.

The driver was wearing a leather jacket that didn't have a zipper or any buttons.

Finally he stopped the bike and told the other guy, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in my chest."

After thinking for a while he decided to put the coat on backwards to block the air from hitting him.

So they were driving down the road and they came around this curb and wrecked.

The farmer that lived there called the police and told them what happened.